Brains and Beauty

Moving Blog Onto "Ultimate Beauty"

2009-11-14T16:08:00.005-05:00

Hello Brains and Beauty readers!

I apologize for not posting any new posts recently! I've actually decided to start moving a lot of my blog posts onto a new website that my boyfriend, Kwan, and I, have created: Ultimate Beauty - a website (a ning) dedicated to building beauty on the inside and out for all women! Definitely check it out! Just click on the "Kris's Blog" tab to see my latest postings!

How Men Feel About Women and Makeup

2009-10-19T19:44:00.001-04:00

How do men really feel about women and their makeup?

Perfection - Is it Possible?

2009-10-11T07:32:00.001-04:00

Black Men's Opinion on Natural Hair

2009-09-28T23:06:00.001-04:00

Natural Beauty Products for Your Hair and Skin?

2009-09-20T11:18:00.007-04:00

Creators of "Mixed Chicks" beauty product line

The "natural products" phenomenon is nothing new - plenty of women have been interested in only applying natural products to their hair and skin forever. I am particularly interested in checking out those sorts of products - I have been drawn to companies like Origins, which has a lot of natural products for your skin that refresh your skin and provide it with an enhanced and refreshing feeling and look (I specifically recommend my fave Origins product of the moment, "Modern Friction"). If you know of any natural hair and/or skin product sites, please let me know! I found a few sites that look really great, and I plan on purchasing some products or testers in the near future to try them out and do a blog post and Youtube video on them: Afrokinks and Mixedchicks. If you've tried their products and like or dislike them, also please feel free to let me know!

Have Independent Women Forgotten How to Let A Man Be a Man?

2009-09-13T10:03:00.009-04:00

In Essence Magazine's September 2009 issue, I noticed an article entitled "Who Wears the Pants?", where a man named Keith McQuillon, 42, tells an Essence reporter that independent women today have forgotten how to let men be men. Here is a snippet from the article:
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"In 1996 my ex-wife and I split partly because she always wanted to be the one in control. Since then, I've been in only one serious relationship. Too many of the Black women I've dated wanted to call all the shots. Whenever I've tried to lead, I've repeatedly heard, "I'm not going to let a man run my life." Good, because I don't want to, but I do want someone who respects my opinion and wants to meet me halfway. I'd marry a woman who says, "Baby, why don't we do things your way this time?" I've noticed that women of other races seem more willing to let a man be a man. But I'd prefer to find a Black partner to build my future with. And when I find her, I'll treat her with the same love, care and respect that my dad showed my mom."
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In my opinion, that quote in and of itself represents a growing divide between men and women today along the line of one particular question: Who really wears the pants in a relationship these days? And what does it really mean to say, "let a man be a man?"

First of all, I find it disconcerting that Keith lumps black women into a category and women of "other races" into another category. While there may be slight cultural (not racial) distinctions among independent women of different ethnic backgrounds, the overriding culture of "independent womanhood", in my opinion, does not really fall along racial lines. Women of all races and cultures today are finding themselves within their own independence and defining their financial and career independence without a boyfriend or husband dictating their steps. Many women, regardless of race, will hesitate and perhaps get very defensive if a man tried to harp upon their independence. In my opinion, black women are not the only women who would tell Keith, "I'm not going to let a man run my life." Even the intense popularity of "Sex and the City" (a show without black female protagonists) illuminates the increasing trend of independent/don't mess with my goals/you can't run my life-type women around the world today.

That said, I will address the main question posed in this article: Have independent women forgotten how to let a man be a man? I have not done any statistical studies on this question, but I can speak for myself when I ask the follow-up question: "What does it mean to 'let a man be a man?'" I find that as a society today, we collectively compare ourselves to generations of the past - the "the way way it used to be, sigh!" mentality that has often led people to make blanket and uninformed statements about gender divide issues today. In the beginning of the article, Keith explains that when he was growing up, his dad was the head of the household, and his mom followed his dad's lead. He states:

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"When they disagreed, they talked it out, but he got the final say. Before you get all riled up, you should know I don't expect that. I like an opinionated and independent woman. But I believe in compromise, and I take issue with ladies who aren't willing to."

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While I don't take issue with the latter part of Keith's statement, I would note that Keith appears to be torn between wanting to mirror his dad's role as a husband and Keith's own desire to respect a woman's independence and the concept of compromise. And Keith isn't the only man in the world with the same issue. With the increasing trend of independent women in today's world, I really do believe that men have been forced to make an adjustment, and either adapt to the trend or choose to reject it and only seek women who either don't want to be independent or are independent but prefer the man to lead on most decisions in a relationship.

As gender roles increasingly evolve, the question of "who wears the pants" is not an easy one to answer in 2009. On a literal level, both men and women put on their suits every weekday, report to work and earn their money. On a conceptual/figurative level, "who wears the pants" is a case by case situation, where men and women in relationships explicitly or implicitly make an agreement to let the man or the woman make the decisions, or whether they will choose to compromise on their decisions.

Take Charge of Your Credit

2009-09-12T12:07:00.009-04:00

As you probably already know, your credit score plays a very important role in your life, and it is crucial that you know how to maintain a great credit score. In Essence Magazine's September 2009 issue, I found an excellent article entitled "Take Charge of Your Credit!" by A.M. Rusin. It encourages readers to protect their credit scores by 1) opening all mail, 2) making timely payments, 3) staying out of the credit danger zone, 4) reassessing credit, and 5) getting a fixed rate on credit cards. Among all these tips, it is important to highlight #3: staying out of the credit danger zone. Be aware that "issuers are looking for red flags indicating a consumer is in trouble ... Late payments, high balances and cash advances could be a sign of cash flow problems and prompt a change in terms. If issuers sense you're at risk, they may assess a monthly fee, lower your credit line, or raise your APR," says Gail Cunningham, spokesperson for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org) (cited in "Take Charge of Your Credit").

We may live in a "spending is cool" culture, but I very much encourage you to think twice before purchasing something on your credit card if you don't believe you can really afford it. My personal motto with credit is: if I can't realistically pay off my credit card this month if I purchase this item, I can't afford the item right now. The motto may sound a bit restrictive, but it definitely helps to maintain a good credit line and reduces the opportunity to rack up a exorbitant amount of credit card debt. In Essence's "Take Charge of Your Credit" article, it provides 4 ways to protect your credit score:
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Payment History. "Grace periods are shrinking," states Gail Cunningham, spokesperson for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. "Open your statements the day they arrive."
Amounts Owned. "Don't carry a balance that is more than 30 percent of your available credit because having higher ratios can begin to negatively affect your score," says Bruce Cornelius, chief marketing officer for CreditReport.com.
Length of Credit. "Don't get angry and close an account," warns Cunningham. Your credit history is calculated as an average, so a one-month-old account averaged against a ten-year account will shorten the history and lower the score.
Types of Credit Used. Be wary of 0 percent interest or no-money-down offers. If you do use credit for a large purchase, know that installment terms have a more positive impact because the terms are fixed.
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For those of you that are trying to increase your credit score, don't fret. I very much encourage you to check out the Suze Orman Show or go to the library or bookstore and check out her books. She offers sound and excellent financial advice, and is very clear and concise with her commentary. I would also suggest ordering a copy of your credit report (you can get it for free at annualcreditreport.com once a year).

Is "Weave" A Dirty Word?

2009-09-04T21:38:00.020-04:00

<-- Jessica Simpson's Clip-In Hair Extensions

As much as I support any woman who wants to have fun with their hair and diversify their look with hair extensions, I can't help but wonder: Is the word "weave" a dirty word? And if so, why?

I know that some women with naturally long hair take offense when another person accuses them of having fake hair, when the hair is completely natural. I also know that many women who do wear extensions take offense when someone points it out and teases them about it. However, considering the popularity of hair extensions over the ages, why do people freely accuse others of having a weave and then joke about it? For example, people continuously love to point out the fact that Beyonce, Tyra Banks, and Naomi Campbell all wear extensions. Many people even joke about it, to the degree where they have published videos on YouTube providing proof that they wear extensions. I have even heard women blatantly accuse another woman with long hair of having a weave, as if it were a bad thing (the statement is usually a variation of the following quote: "That isn't her real hair - she has a weave!"). One particular YouTube video attempts to make a convincing argument that "Weaves make [black women] look bad." Several black women with naturally long hair have also published videos on YouTube about their frustration with people accusing them of having weaves, when their hair is actually their own.

The degree of scrutiny over fake hair has led me to this question: Is the word "weave" a dirty word? Specifically, is "weave" a dirty word when talking about a black women's hair? To be honest, I really don't know, but I do know that many people of all races and ethnicities wear hair extensions hoping that people would make the assumption that it is their own hair. There are also people who feel a strange obligation to point out that a woman is wearing extensions, as if to discover a beauty flaw or insinuate that the person is not as beautiful because that hair supposedly does not naturally belong to the woman's body. They have gone so far as to tug on women's hair at public gatherings (e.g. at nightclubs) or quickly tap the back of the woman's head to test whether or not the woman is wearing a wig and/or can feel weave track lines on the back of the head. A lot of black women have had to deal with this issue, particularly in light of the fact that some people have a hard time digesting the fact that black women can naturally have long hair. An unnecessary and ridiculous situation? Yes. But does it happen? All the time.

I personally think people need to leave others alone when it comes to their hairstyle choices. I also think that it is silly to automatically assume that a black woman has hair extensions if she has long hair flowing down her back. And if you happen to like wearing hair extensions, keep rocking your look. If people have an issue with it, they'll get over it. If they don't, it is their issue, and not yours.

Fall 2009 Makeup Trends

2009-09-03T12:05:00.018-04:00

I have never really used to pay close attention to seasonal makeup trends - I am a dark red lipstick/black eyeliner girl all the way. However, I have become increasingly interested in changing up my look, and I know that many of you may be interested in some change as well! After doing a bit of investigation of Fall 2009's makeup trends, I present the trend verdict:

According to Benjamin Twist in his article, "Best Fall 2009 Makeup Colors", "the latest fashion trends for fall 2009 makeup colors are all about high contrast - bright, deep, dramatic colors against a very light, natural background."

Eyes: "[D]ark and bold. Purple is one of the best fall makeup colors overall, and the eyes are no exception. Put on a lush coat of deep purple eye shadow for a truly trendy look this fall." Twist also suggests deep earthy tones, like forest greens, browns, in order to bring out your natural eye color for a more neutral look. "Gold and bronze, and similar metallic colors, are some other hot new makeup colors for fall 2009." I was thrilled to find out that the smoky eye look is still in style: "Smoky eyes, with dark mascara and black eye shadow, are hotter than ever, and if anything the look is moving toward even bolder and darker smoky eye makeup for the fall 2009 fashion season."

Lips: I am in love with dark red lipstick, so I'm happy that it is a fashionable 2009 fall trend. Twist states that "the hottest trends in makeup colors for fall 2009 are bright reds and ripe, juicy berry colors." I'm not a personal fan of purple (I don't think I could pull it off), but Twist notes that "purple is one of the best fall makeup colors for lips as well as eyes, so it may be worth getting a few shades of deep purple lipstick."

Interestingly enough, I may have to make some adjustments with this particular fall 2009 trend: Not using dark colors on both the eyes and the lips. Twist notes that this is a very clear trend in makeup trend this season, so he advises that you give give only one part of your face a bold look, and opt for a more neutral look on the rest of your palette.

Nails: Twist notes that "for fingernails, purple and metallic colors like gold and bronze are once again the hot makeup colors for fall 2009. Set off the colors in the rest of your look with a bold and dramatic dark nail polish." I personally will opt for pinks and bronzes - I don't really think purple and gold nails work for a lot of office environments.

Foundation and Eyebrows: Twist advises that "the best look for the fall 2009 beauty trends is to keep it neutral and minimalist. A light touch of foundation is plenty, and natural, bold eyebrows are in fashion so be careful not to over-sculpt your brows or make them too narrow." I already use really light (as opposed to a heavy) powder foundation, so I'm all set on that trend. Regarding my eyebrows - I like my eyebrows sculpted, and am trying to stop over-sculpting them. I may have to tear myself away from the tweezers a bit more, but I am definitely making a conscious effort to allow my eyebrows to grow in a bit more and get a fuller look overall.

In addition to Twist's advice, I would definitely recommend a voluminous mascara - a bit hit for fall 2009 makeup looks. Full, delicious lashes are always in, so check out your nearest beauty counter and pick up a new tube! My favorite mascara? Christian Dior's DiorShow, which can be found at your nearby Sephora store, or online at Sephora.com.

Michelle Obama's Hair - A Mainstream Media Topic?

2009-09-02T22:38:00.006-04:00

Michelle Obama is the First Lady, so it is understandable that people feel free to critique her fashion, her makeup, and her hair on a daily basis. However, her hair has increasingly become a focus of discussion in the mainstream media. As I was randomly surfing the web tonight, I did not take long for me to see Michelle's face on the main page of Yahoo.com, attached to an article entitled, "Why Michelle Obama's Hair Matters" (written by Jenee Desmond-Harris) - I very much encourage you to read it when you get a moment.

I wouldn't be shocked if I saw this article on Blacksnob.com (I adore that website) or Essence.com, but my mouth dropped when I saw that it was the headline story on Yahoo.com. Why? Well, black hair has never really been a mainstream topic at all. People may refer to it on occasion when talking about Oprah, Tyra Banks, or Beyonce, but for the most part, the discussion has been limited, and for the most part, myopic in scope. Black hair has primarily remained a topic within black media, dissected and deconstructed in every possible way. While I am not upset that mainstream media has not taken it upon themselves to deeply understand the cultural and historical underpinnings of the controversy surrounding different "black hairstyles," I have always secretly desired some sort of basic mass media education on black hair, simply because of the ignorant statements made about black women in the media regarding their hair, in addition to the fact that I have personally been approached by people who were very inquisitive about black hair (how it is maintained, done, etc) and didn't understand it at all.

So I guess Michelle Obama has indirectly become the catalyst for a discussion about black hair in the mainstream media. Chris Rock's new documentary coming out called "Good Hair" (seeYoutube video below) will also contribute more dialogue to the discussion. My only remaining question is - is mainstream media ready to understand black hair? My answer: We shall see!

Don't Let Anyone Limit Your Dreams

2009-08-31T08:30:00.000-04:00

In the movie "Pursuit of Happyness" (2006), Will Smith's character (Chris Gardner) says to his son, "Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something - not even me." He continues, "You got a dream...You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." The quote may sound extra cute and sugary to some of you, but within the context of the movie, it was a really powerful statement. I am a big proponent of the quote, primarily due to the fact that I have always believed it and applied it to my life. The quote also packs plenty of "punch" for those who need some inspiration to re-fuel their ambition right now. I believe every person has the right to determine his or her destiny, and that no other person should be given the right to limit another person's dreams or happiness. If you work hard and are determined to achieve a particular goal, you have every right to keep on pushing forward without letting other people interfere with your ambition. You also have the right to keep pushing on in the middle of a setback. Think about a successful person you know, and/or any successful person you see in the media (think Bill Gates, Oprah, and the list goes on). Many successful people dealt with people or situations that either tried to directly limit or abort their success, and/or tried to indirectly halt or abort their dream goals. However, when all is said and done, you have the ability and right to push on forward toward your dream, despite the existence of naysayers that may be surrounding you. Absolutely no one can take that right away from you.

Achieving success usually means overcoming some sort of obstacle along the way - so don't cancel out your dreams even though it feels like you're facing a wall. For every achievement in my life, I always made a conscious choice to push forward if and when an obstacle crossed my path. An obstacle may look and feel defeating at first, but it is so important to realize that it will only be a permanent brick wall if you allow it to be a brick wall. Even if you don't have anyone around you to encourage you on a regular basis, I really hope that you will continue on and push forward toward your dream, and push all the critics to the side as you step into your next achievement in life. :)

Back To School Style - Are You Ready?

2009-08-29T20:19:00.007-04:00

Kwan (my boyfriend) and I just came back from the mall and of course, ran into the "back to school" mall traffic! As we walked past different stores, I couldn't help but notice the various fashions and the amount of young men and women exploring the racks in most of the stores, looking for the perfect outfits. I would like to encourage any student who is about to go back to school (grade school, college, grad school, etc.) to not get too caught up in trying to fit into any particular fashion standard. For example, don't feel pressured into wearing skinny jeans, baggy jeans, showing more skin, wearing crazy high gladiator heels, or wearing clothing that is way too tight to breathe in! Instead, find clothes that you like, regardless of whether or not they are up to par with the standards set by Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, or Vogue Magazine. I just graduated from grad school, but this time of year always reminds me of the excitement of going to the store and picking out the newest clothes for school that I thought fit my body well, and clothes that accentuated my personality and style. (I also had a funny tendency to buy a shirt in more than one color if I really liked it :)). I personally preferred stores like Macy's, Sears, and Kohl's, and occasionally checked out JC Penny's - all of the stores had amazing back to school deals, and I always did my research and studied each catalogue ahead of time to nail down which clothes that I liked the best.

If by chance you are not able to splurge on clothes and new fashions this fall season, do not fret! Find different ways to combine your outfits and create a new look that you would wear to school. Have fun combining different scarves, shirts and blouses with your skirts, pants and shorts, change up which shoes you choose to wear with different outfits, and change up your color combinations for a new style. I would also suggest even changing up your makeup or hairdo style in order to give your overall appearance a fresh new look. I also recommend that you do not compare yourself to others and their choice of style - As I always say, be you, and create your own style. You never know, you may set a new trend, and people will want to copy your style!

Is Lil' Wayne the New Denzel?

2009-08-24T22:00:00.008-04:00

Rapper Paul Wall

Have you ever noticed guys posing around you, trying to look cool in order to impress you and/or win your attention? Interestingly enough, I've noticed an increasing number of guys trying to "pose" as they drive or walk around town. I know posing is by no means a new phenomenon, but now, the posing seems to have taken on a strong "Lil Wayne" flavor, which is hilarious as well as unfortunate. In one summer, I noticed more than a few guys who have taken on the Lil' Wayne look, and trying to get attention and win ladies with variations of this particular look:

Rapper Lil Wayne

Now, I don't mean to sound superficial, but really? Lil Wayne may be popular on the music charts (which is questionable enough on its own), but I really don't think most women are attracted to that look. In fact, I don't think most women are attracted to guys who don't pull their pants up and/or dress appropriately overall. So my question is: why do guys think that it is cool and attractive to dress this way? I have asked my guy friends this question, and they just shrug their shoulders as well. I personally think these "Lil Wayne" look-alikes are just confused, they don't realize how they actually appear in society, and are completely unaware of the vast amount of women who find the look incredibly unattractive as well as unappealing. I have never heard a girl swoon over guys who dress like Lil Wayne - with a shirt way too big, pants hanging off their behind, etc. On the other hand, I've heard plenty of women swoon over Denzel Washington/Morris Chestnut/Boris Kudjoe/Tay Diggs/Blair Underwood types PLENTY of times (see pics below).

I have always been attracted to men who know how to dress well and carry themselves with class, and I don't think I am an anomaly among most women. I just hope the young men clueless enough to dress so inappropriately choose to wise up and pull their pants up if they really want to attract a good woman.

Do Men Prefer Long Hair?

2009-08-22T09:10:00.015-04:00

I just came across some random youtube videos of women combing really long hair, and as much as I found the hair itself lovely, I was slightly disturbed by the amount of male commenters underneath the videos stating that the hair was "so sexy," etc. I understand that these people could simply have a long hair fetish, but I then wondered if men naturally prefer women with longer hair.

I personally don't believe that men really care if hair is short or long - rather, they are attracted to hair that looks healthy overall. Interestingly enough, research indicates that men may actually prefer long hair on women. In the article "Why do men prefer long hair" on Hairfinder.com, the author states, "research has demonstrated that there is an evolutionary reason for men to prefer long hair to short hair on women." The article notes that "according to evolutionary theory, features considered attractive by the opposite sex serve as indicators of reproductive fitness." This may sound bogus, but the article travels deeper into this theory: "Experiments and observations have demonstrated that a woman's hair plays a major role in how men rate a woman's attractiveness. The quality and length of hair serves as a marker of genetic strength and overall health." Furthermore, "several studies have demonstrated that men find women with medium-length to long hair more attractive than shorter haired counterparts. Men also rate longer haired women as healthier and fitter than shorter haired women."

So, does this mean that you have to give up your short locks if you want to attract men? Of course not. All you have to do is look at the male fascination with Halle Berry, and any red-blooded male will tell you that she is a stunning woman with her short hair. The article also duly points out that "men are not ruled by evolutionary biases and many men report preferring short hair to long hair." It continues, "Shorter hair that is healthy and lustrous is better than having long hair that is damaged and unkempt." I completely agree with this author when he/she states, "Whatever the length, maintaining your hair's healthy appearance is the best way to ensure your partner or potential partner will appreciate the beauty of your hair."

So if you feel the need to get extensions in order to appear more attractive, you can let that feeling go - men will dig you, whether your hair is or looks really long, or if it is really short. Just be yourself and wear a hairstyle that you like that can be maintained in a healthy way, and the right man for you will be attracted to your unique style.

Stress and Beauty - A Major Disconnect

2009-08-21T19:21:00.011-04:00

Have you ever wondered about the relationship between stress and beauty? You may actually be concerned about how the stress in your life may be affecting your health, and perhaps, even your youthful glow. Additionally, the media pours beauty products down our throats on a daily basis, convincing us that if we do happen to show signs of stress or age, there is always a product that can fix it.

Stress can have serious effects on your beauty. According to Shakila Akhter in her article, "Stress Leads to Ugliness," (2002) "Emotional stresses disturb the body homeostasis that results in hormonal malfunctioning, impairment of body immunological functions and slows down the skin rejuvenation." Akhter provides further explanation of the skin and its renewal process:

"Skin constantly renews itself. At young age the cell renewal process completes within 28 days but as we grow older the speed of this process slows down. In addition to age that process is also effected due to our mental state of mind. The period of mental disturbance slows down the process of cell renewal, destroys collagen fibers in the skin, breaks down its elastin and increases the production of sebum oils in oily skin people and dehydrate dry skin."

Your mental health is therefore the key to beautiful skin, so take care of your mind as well as your skin on a daily basis in order to maintain a youthful glow and complexion. This sounds easier than done, right? I totally agree with you. I have always been aware of the effects that stress has on my hair and skin, but some of the information and advice regarding how to relieve stress was incompatible with my personality and/or lifestyle. Akhter provides some very basic and helpful tips that can help with relieving stress and minimizing stressful effects on your beauty (This list is especially useful if you notice side effects of stress like physical changes (e.g. weight gain, weight loss, hair breakage, skin changes, etc.):
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-First of all just leave the stressful situation and drink a glass of water.
-Don’t make any decision during those phases.
-Don’t make any negative judgement about yourself.
-Think about positive traits of your personality. Nobody is ideal and perfect in this world. Every one has some weakness, if you too have some than there is nothing wrong with you.
-Don’t try to seek the help of cigarette, alcohol or any drug.
-Get involved yourself in some easy to do work like cleaning your wardrobe, arranging your bookshelf, do painting. But whatever work you start you have to complete it.
-Call your friend, talk to him/her about your problem. If you don’t want to do so than just take a paper and write down about every thing that is coming to your mind without censoring anything.
-Do aerobics or yoga or just go out for a long walk.
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I have a terribly bad habit of drinking coffee when I am really stressed out, and I am currently in the process of changing that bad habit and am choosing to drink more water overall. I stay away from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, I tend to talk out issues with close friends, and I am a big fan of exercising (particularly running, pilates, yoga and dance). When I am really stressed, I like to take epsom salt baths as soon as possible, which relax my body and mind.

I encourage you not to wait to take care of yourself until you get into a stressful situation. Instead, I suggest being proactive rather than reactive, and begin to address whatever physical and mental health issues you may have, so that when you do find yourself in a stress storm, your ability to react accordingly will be a lot better. And of course, the effects on your beauty and overall complexion will (hopefully) be minimal.

My Issue with Pantene's Hair Products

2009-08-20T20:58:00.018-04:00

Let me preface this post by stating that I have absolutely nothing against the Pantene brand in and of itself. I love their advertisements, and the brand definitely puts itself out there for the purpose of raising awareness for different causes, which I think is an excellent move. On a personal level however, I don't care for Pantene, based on my own experience with their products. Furthermore, I have a personal tick against any company that promotes beauty products for women of color and the products do not deliver what they promise. If you type in "pantene" and "women of color," you will indubitably find complaint after complaint in numerous forums across the internet, created over the course of several years (in fact, when I type in "pantene" and "women of color," the first hit that appears in google is an actual site entitled "Warning About Pantene Shampoo and Conditioner for Women of Color"). Interestingly enough, my experience with the Pantene Relaxed and Natural Shampoo as well as Pantene Beautiful Lengths shampoo was not at all far from the experiences of other women - the shampoo pretty much weakened my hair and directly contributed to some really annoying breakage. The second main ingredient in the Pantene Relaxed and Natural Shampoo happens to be petroleum, which just coats the hair with grease, rather than adding any strength to the hair strand. The main ingredients in the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Shampoo seem to be quite normal for any shampoo, but there is something else in their list of ingredients that had the exact same breakage impact on my hair. Yet, when I switch to my other hair products that I always tend to use (usually dominican products), my hair goes back to normal and the breakage stops. Go figure. A vast majority of other women in the forums online seem to have the same experience.

My issues with Pantene's shampoos on relaxed hair lend themselves to one basic overall tip for any company that wants to promote their brand to women of color:

Please do not produce or advertise products that do not work for your consumers. If you notice numerous websites and forums dedicated to consumers' distaste for your products, that should be an indicator that you should change the chemical composition or overall strategy with production if you want to maximize profits. And if you don't change the product, don't be surprised when sales decline - word travels fast, and women tend not to visit the same beauty product twice if it messes with their hair after the first use.

Enough said. :)

UPDATE

2009-07-15T12:17:00.002-04:00

Hello Brains and Beauty readers!

I hope all is well with you this summer! All is well on my end, but of course, exam preparation has once again gobbled up my free time! I am in the process of studying for the bar, so I will resume posting topics as of the beginning of August. I am definitely looking forward to bringing this blog to the next level, with more posts, more topics, and videos. I am also looking forward to updating the template too in the next few months, so don't be surprised if you see a hot new look at some point in the near future! The next blog topic will most likely be about the truth regarding hair products - I have been doing research for fun on the chemicals found in certain shampoos and conditioners (for example, avoid Pantene's shampoos at all costs if you relax your hair), and am looking forward to sharing my research with you once my exams are over.

I just want to thank you again for reading my blog, and if you have any topics that you would like for me to cover, always feel free to share (you can leave a comment below this post and I will definitely log it as a future post idea!). Also, feel free to check out my videos on youtube and leave comments, rate the videos, share, or whatever you would like to do! :)

-Kris :)

Some Quick Tips for Those Looking for Love

2009-06-27T09:19:00.010-04:00

You probably see these quick tips in magazines ALL the time, but the list that I found in July 2009's Redbook magazine, "Looking for love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94), is actually quite good and to the point. I have to admit, it is incredibly easy to say to oneself: "No one is out there for me!," but I beg to differ: every woman can find a good match out in the world, and every man can do the same as well. I will speak from personal experience when I tell you that when my boyfriend and I met, I wasn't necessarily looking for love at all, but we became very good friends, and after a while, it just made sense to seal the deal and make our relationship permanent, because we loved each other too much to not be with each other. The love story that you tell (or will tell) may be the same, or may be different. Either way, don't lose hope on finding that special one. The five tips listed below provide some great insight and some hope:
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Redbook Magazine, "Looking for Love: 5 ways to get started," (p.94)
-by: Nicole Yorio

1. Get a Life. Maintain an exciting schedule full of friends, hobbies, and activities you love. Being happy in your life will draw others to you.
2. Get out there. Take advantage of online dating services, blind dates set up by friends, or classes where you might connect with someone with similar interests. Keep an open mind - you never know whom you'll discover.
3. Don't be shy. Make eye contact, smile, and start conversations. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is interested in the world.
4. Move on. If you feel sure that a guy doesn't have what you're seeking, don't keep seeing him. Each additional date with the wrong person is a missed opportunity to meet the right one.
5. Enjoy the journey. You're meeting new people, trying new activities, and exploring the fun, sexy side of yourself. The guy for you will come when the time is right.
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My favorite tip: #5! It is a perfect combo of all of the aforementioned tips, and I love the statement: "The guy for you will come when the time is right." Too many of us want the guy to come when we want him to come. Let life work itself out - you may be pleasantly surprised by what you trip upon when you are in the process of falling in love with yourself and life, first.

The Chris Brown/Rihanna Court Hearing

2009-06-23T20:08:00.002-04:00

For those of you who are interested, here is the relatively brief video of Chris Brown and Rihanna in court today:

Does Michelle Obama's Hair "Soften" Her Skin Color?

2009-06-21T11:03:00.011-04:00

I just finished reading the now well-circulated and discussed Salon.com article entitled, "The Michelle Obama hair challenge," written by Erin Aubry Kaplan. In this article, Erin delves deep into a discussion about Michelle Obama's hairstyle and what it means for her image, and the potential societal ramifications of having a black First Lady in the White House. Overall, I agree with most of her points, but there is something quite unsettling about the notion that Michelle Obama's hair "softens" her race:

"...I wonder whether such a young, high-profile black woman who gets her hair straightened or relaxed as a matter of course will occasionally let it be something different: unstraightened, less straightened, or anything that doesn't bounce, lie flat or swing like a pageboy. In other words, a do that suggests her ethnicity rather than softens it."

Further down in the article, she states:

"Hair texture and skin color work in tandem: The darker you are, the harder you have to offset it with "good" hair in order to be considered attractive or acceptable. If Michelle weren't dark-skinned with classic black features, she might not be so wedded to super-straight locks."

I find both of these statements somewhat disturbing, and I am not quite sure if I am wedded to the same opinion. As a black woman, I have worn my hair in various styles, from braids, to cornrows, and the "relaxed"/"straightened" look, and I have loved how each and every hairstyle accentuated my beauty. Unfortunately, "accepted" femininity in American society has always centered on styles that were of the more "flowing" or "as-close-to-straight-as-humanly possible" nature, and for centuries, black women have found themselves in different degrees of negotiation stages with their hair and what it means to be beautiful: "If I go straight, that means xyz. If I stay natural, that means xyz. If I do braids with straightened hair underneath, that means xyz." All of these different, and individualized decisions, lead black women to a place where they feel comfortable with their beauty, and how their hair fits within the current paradigm of "accepted femininity." As much as a black woman's hair may have an impact on how others perceive her, I am disturbed by the proposition that straightened hair automatically softens her image, or offsets darker skin tones. Many natural hairdos do not automatically lend themselves to political undertones, and I think it is erroneous to conclude that a more natural hairdo cannot both enhance a black woman's beauty and have a "softened" effect at the same time. I know plenty of black women who have rocked absolutely stunning natural hairdos that have also brought out their particularly stunning features, and these styles were not necessarily of the "Pantene Relaxed and Natural" commercial variety.

Michelle can rock various non-straight hairstyles that would look absolutely wonderful, and not be considered threatening or societally-misplaced in the beauty spectrum. These do's could both enhance her ethnicity as well as enhance her beauty, as well as complement her dark and lovely skin tone. If she chooses to wear her hair straight, perhaps it is not out of pressure to fit a standard or not be a threat to those scared of "nappiness." Perhaps her straightened hair is just her style right now. Will I be more than thrilled if she changes it up? Of course - she is a major fashion icon right now, and any style she does will have varying degrees of impact on women of all races and ethnicities. If she sticks with the style, so be it. Straightened hair or not, Michelle does not need hair to "soften" her racial identity - on the contrary, the softness and femininity of her beauty is already automatically intertwined with her racial identity and her skin tone, and her decision to wear her hair in any particular style is simply a transient beauty accessory.

Problems with Today's Music and its Effects on Today's Children

2009-06-17T12:12:00.011-04:00

"Drizzy Drake"

I can't help but ponder about the music industry these days and seriously wonder what is happening to the quality of pop/rap/R&B music. I didn't think the day would come so early, when I would start saying, "Back in the day (for me, the 80s and 90s), the music was amazing!" If you scroll through my IPOD, you will see a serious amount of pop, rock, rap and r&b music from the 1980s and 1990s - music that, in my opinion, had amazing authenticity, zest and soulfulness to it. Which artist today could possibly compare to Sade, Boys to Men, Tears for Fears, Tony! Toni! Toné!, and the list goes on! Interestingly enough, I am more than disappointed in how the music industry today packages artists out of their natural element and into some prototypical, cookie-cutter image in the name of sales. I am talking about guys like 50 Cent, Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Drizzy Drake, to name a few. These artists claim to be "hard," but what do they even know about a hard knock life? These artists are prepackaged to look tough, rough, and people buy into the images because the look and the sound are enough to convince people that these artists know what it is like to live a rough lifestyle. If you spend some time seriously researching these artists' backgrounds, you'll be surprised to know the actual truth about their relatively tame origins.

Now, on the radio, songs have gone from relatively "sexual" to downright nasty. One of the songs that won't leave the airways these days is the song entitled, "Birthday Sex," by Jeremih. Some people may like it, but in my opinion, this type of song style is worse than music produced by Keith Sweat, which is really bad. I don't mean to pick on these artists, but I am seriously tired of hearing songs on the radio that should not be heard by young children (who walk around singing these lyrics and also implementing these words into their daily lifestyles). I understand that the music industry is very liberal and has the right to put out whatever songs it chooses to, but we need to be way more mindful about what the more popular radio stations (and television music channels) are choosing to play over and over again.

For those of you who may think that this music is simply a part of your culture, I beg to differ with you: since when is our culture based on drugs, sex and crime? Isn't there anything more substantial to urban or pop culture? I understand that these themes have always been present in music on some level (particularly since the days of Elvis Presley), but it has gotten substantially worse, and has arrived at one of the most base and disappointing levels of artistry - it even pains me to even call it "art." We need to re-evaluate the music that we choose to buy, listen to, and re-think what we allow to represent American music culture, as well as the overall culture of younger generations today. Otherwise, children today will unfortunately continue to be influenced by songs that may have a decent or good beat, but have zero substance and deleterious effects in the long run.

Pressures to be Perfect

2009-06-13T19:49:00.041-04:00

I've received some messages in my Youtube account, and have watched some informative videos on Youtube, that inspired me to write this blog post (and do a follow-up Youtube video as well). Many people in this world are in constant pursuit of perfection, and at times, that pursuit can evolve into a pressure that can feel overwhelming. For the person who feels that pressure, it can appear as a gnawing and constant pressure to measure up to a particular standard imposed on you by yourself, others, or what he or she perceive others to be pressuring them to be or become, and hopefully avoid a sense of failure rise to some level of accepted or ideal accomplishment. Interestingly enough, so many people live their lives day by day managing this pressure, and among these people, many are drowning within the pressure to various points of psychological breakdown/distress. You may not even realize that your best friend, colleague, family member, or an acquaintance that always seems to have their act together, is drowning in the pressure and would, if provided, appreciate a vacation from it.

I am no stranger to pressures to be perfect - hence, the reason why I feel qualified to write this post, and also a partial reason for my inspiration to label this blog, "Brains and Beauty." As a woman, I completely understand the pressures to look beautiful. As a student, I have always put pressure on myself to do well academically, and acknowledged good grades with a sense of accomplishment and a "pat on the back" for a job well done. As a daughter, I've put pressure on myself to be a perfect daughter who rarely makes mistakes, and live life perfectly. As a result, I've put pressure on myself to be the perfect combination of both brains and beauty, eventually coming to the conclusion in my mid-twenties that the pressure to be perfect was literally gnawing at my ability to reasonably enjoy my life to the fullest. On many days, I had an agenda to make strides towards some goal/combination of goals, and if I did not accomplish them, I would feel as if that day was a "less than perfect" day, and I went to bed feeling incomplete. Managing this pressure for perfection increasingly became a burden, and I began to realize that although this pressure may have helped me accomplish a lot within 25 years, there was a better way to live life and accomplish everything without attempting to measure up to a self-imposed standard of perfection.

What is that better way? There are various ways to be released from the pressure for perfection - for me, I chose my faith: Christianity. In the beginning of my law school career, I attended a church with a relaxed environment that discussed life principles and advice through lessons of the Bible, and I eventually realized and accepted that I was already "perfect" in the eyes of God and did not have to live for whatever self-imposed concept of perfection that existed in my own mind. I can honestly say that my law school experience was manageable and at times quite enjoyable primarily due to my faith in God.

Now, I understand that many of you who are reading this may not be Christian, believe in God, or experienced a relationship with God in a similar way, but I can tell you that if you need a release from a daily pressure for perfection, that release is truly possible. If you asked for my honest opinion about the ideal way, I would say that embracing a relationship with God and attending a church that is right for you is a great start (of course, I am speaking from personal experience). (Note: I am not asking you to embrace an idea of going through the motions of being a Christian - e.g., going to church, praying "traditional" prayers, etc. I specifically mean actually embracing a relationship with God and understanding how He really feels about you. Check out the ministries of Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer online for some great examples).
Besides a faith-based approach, I would encourage you to write down what you feel pressure about on a day to day basis, and ask yourself why you feel that pressure, if that pressure is necessary in order to be successful, and begin to accept yourself and your accomplishments on a daily basis outside of that pressure. I also encourage you to consider therapy if needed, or check out self-help books (if you feel comfortable perusing them in the store, or if not, online), and dig your heels into ways you can enjoy your life a little bit better, every day.

There is no one cure-all solution to relieving yourself from pressure for perfection. Depending on your particular pressure(s), personality, lifestyle, etc., what works for you may be a tailored solution that may or may not have worked for me. But I will say this: one of the best things you can possibly do for your every day life is to unlearn this particular kind of pressure, and learn how to accomplish your daily goals and dreams, and be satisfied and comfortable with your work at the end of the day. This is not an overnight process - but if you commit to a particular solution on a day to day basis (and adjust it as needed), you'll eventually realize the benefits of feeling increasingly "pressure-less" and more personally satisfied, accomplished, complete, relaxed, and joyful overall in all areas of your life.

The Media's Fascination with Jon and Kate Plus 8, and All Things "Reality"...

2009-06-13T08:57:00.016-04:00

There is something to be said about the media's intense placement of focus and attention on the stars of "Jon and Kate, Plus 8" - I don't really "get it." I understand that the show is a highly-rated show on the television network, TLC, and that the content of the show is quite amusing and very entertaining, but as the media loves to do, it is currently in the process of sinking its quite pointy teeth deeper and deeper into what appeared to be a seemingly decent family set-up and is enjoying the process of destroying the image of this family in the name of money. Now, I don't really care for the show all that much (every now and again I am very amused by the children and their antics though!), but I will say that I do care about the fact that this is an actual family that the media is picking apart - literally - by the seams. I think it is incredibly easy to confuse real life for fantasy, and are perhaps equating the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show with shows like the Brady Bunch, feeling incredibly free to criticize and evaluate them simply because they are on television to entertain and amuse us on a weekly basis. However, it is absolutely crucial that we do not fall into the trap of assuming that these are not real people with real emotions, and we must remember that they actually do hear the comments that are being spewed their way, minute by minute. Even more importantly, Jon and Kate's kids are probably hearing the media's comments as well (if not directly through the media, then their friends may be telling them, etc.). I know that the media is always sitting on top of an anxious piggy bank, desperate to fill its little piggy slot with revenue derived from the next big media blitz, but I think it should seriously stop trying to tear real people apart.

Reality television in and of itself, to be honest, is a free-for-all with the media, which is why I would encourage anyone who wants to be on a reality show to think twice before considering showing up in line for a chance to have their 5 seconds of fame on television. Reason? It is very rare that the media will be kind to just about anyone on television these days - all you have to do is watch shows like TMZ on television to realize that just about everyone on television is torn apart for everything they say, what they do, what they wear, an out of place wrinkle, or even a sleepy expression that can be read and interpreted in about five million ways. In my opinion, everyday life brings enough stuff to do and think about without tacking on the chaos that is attached to the seemingly hypocritical and harsh world of stardom these days. And yet, this call for "you can be the next big thing!" tears at the hearts of so many people every single day, who are simply yearning for a chance to be seen, to be noticed, to be popular - to simply be brought to a newer level of importance. I really do hope that more people will begin to reevaluate such a personal need, understand the psychological roots of their desire for fame, and realize that the world of reality television, for many of its stars, is equivalent to a beautifully-wrapped box with a gigantic piece of coal sitting inside of it.

Video Response to Hair Care Video Questions

2009-06-08T19:28:00.002-04:00

The Pressure to Fit In?

2009-06-06T17:05:00.005-04:00

One of the principles that I abide by everyday is the fact that I have the right to choose who I am and I do not have to subscribe to any particular pattern of behavior, attitude or thought, in order to happily live my life. There are plenty of pressures to conform behavior to those that we choose to (or want to) be friends with, date, etc., but I do not understand the allure in changing who I am for someone else. Now, I am not saying that I haven't personally been influenced by those that I have let into my life - no human being can live so stubbornly as to not be influenced in any way by those around them. Looking back on my old dating relationships, for example, I realize that I had altered some of my perspectives and beliefs in order to conform to my partner's thought life. My decision to do well in school and eventually go to a top university and eventually graduate from law school was largely based on my family's interest in placing academic success as a top priority, as well as friends who were also interested in performing well in school and in life overall. However, I will definitely say that I am very picky about who I let influence my life and my perception of self - I don't like to have intimate friendships with "downers" - people who constantly live in a negative people who do anything to bring another person down - and I don't really care to hang out with people who are constantly criticizing/hating on/prejudiced against other people. As much as I value my friendships, my friends know that I don't really care to conform to any particular societal group or cookie-cutter stereotype, and they know that I stand by my beliefs, while duly respecting their perspectives as well.

The idea of "fitting in" may feel like a never-ending social pressure for many people, but I personally believe in "fitting into myself," continually growing into my own individuality, while allowing myself to have fun, be encouraged and lifted up through enjoying the company of others.

What Do Smart Women Look Like?

2009-05-30T09:56:00.010-04:00

I think there is a weird misconception that a woman who is smart has to be packaged in one particular flavor of a look, easily categorized as a smarty-pants and nothing else. Stereotypically, she is the woman that you see wearing glasses, hair pinned back in a ponytail, and clothing that strays far from any element of sexiness or appeal. She wears minimal makeup, and if she happens to be wearing heels, it is due to the fact that she is going to work, going to an interview, or going to some event where she is about to illustrate her brilliance.

Right...

It is amazing how a woman's appearance, to many people, dictates her personality, who she is as a person, and whether or not she has an I.Q. level higher than a peanut. I have heard both women and men comment on passersby, making comments about certain women that have led me to conclude that they believe that a woman is how she dresses. I have to stress the fact that this is not the case. In fact, you may very well reach erroneous conclusions about either men or women who choose to dress in particular fashions that do not stereotypically embody "intelligent fashion." I have met many men who choose to dress in fashions that resemble the likes of Kid Rock, 50 Cent, Eminem and Ja-Rule, and yet, are able to beat whatever "rough and tough" stereotype that some attach to them by quoting Shakespeare and displaying academic credentials that would impress even the likes of President Obama.

But let's not stray far from the point: it is important not to jump to the conclusion that just because you see a woman in a short skirt and heels, or a woman who is busty and has hips and likes to show off her figure, she cannot be book smart. On the contrary, I have known many women who have chosen to dress in fashions that simply reflect her taste in fashion, and are not burdened by any attempt to dress "stereotypically intelligent" - and can hold down an intellectual conversation while wearing an outfit some others may consider "too sexy" or "too appealing." Today, I ask you: Why can't a woman be both sexy and smart? Is there some rule that states, "If you are a woman, and you want to be perceived as smart, make sure no one can tell you enjoy clothes that flatter your womanly curves and like wearing heels"? You must be kidding me - I personally wear whatever I want to wear, and because I have curves, I like to wear clothes that tastefully accentuate my figure. And for all the other women out there who want to let their hair down, put on that bright pink lip gloss, and try out those cute heels that you've hesitated bringing out of your closet out of fear of how you'd be perceived, let it all go, and do what you want. People's opinion of you does not dictate your intelligence level - you have every right to dictate your own wardrobe, regardless of whether people accept it or not. In other words: BE YOURSELF.

My Obsession with Dark Red Lipstick

2009-05-29T08:55:00.018-04:00

Ok, this is going to be a silly post, but I have to confess: I have an obsession with dark red lipstick. I'm pretty certain my youtube videos and pretty much every picture on my Facebook page highlights this fact. I gleefully admit that I have been wearing the same color in different makeup brands since I was in high school, and I am starting to seriously wonder why I can't adjust to other colors that I buy but never care to wear more than once (a repeat situation that somehow provides me the false notion that I am about to embark on a new "look," only to wind up frantically searching for my usual dark crimson red somewhere in my makeup kit). There is a strange comfort that I find in that color - an element of embedded contrast that I personally like to believe actually enhances my beauty. I have indeed for the past few years struggled with varying up my lip color look. I have recently settled on NARS Scarlett Empress - a deep red that satisfies my need for a deep crimson look that does not fade away after I drink my morning coffee (like so many lipsticks do). I liked NARS so much that I decided to go out of my element within this great (and my new fave) makeup brand and invest in a deep pink color - and for some weird reason, I can't get into this deep pink look, even when my outfit calls for the occasion to experiment with pink lip color (this actually happened again yesterday when I sported a cute pink cowneck top ensemble).

I would like to say that my obsession with red lips comes from my personal conclusion that dark red lips look the best on brown skin tones (a proposition that I stand by with a peculiar vengeance), but I think it may go deeper. Perhaps I am nervous about experimenting outside of a particular makeup look, that perhaps my penchant for red lips has to do with my desire to remain in a particular "beauty comfort zone", outside of which I may feel a bit uncomfortable. Only through watching various makeup youtue videos have I recently begun to experiment with primer and various eyeshadow colors (I plan to blog and make a youtube video soon about those various experiments). However, I have yet to feel as comfortable with experimenting with various lip color tones, particularly those that in my opinion contrast but beautifully coincide with brown skin tones. But I am open to your comments on this topic, so please feel free to enlighten me with your opinion about lipsticks on various skin tones if you want to! :)

My Hair Care Regimen Video (YouTube)

2009-05-22T11:44:00.001-04:00

"Good Hair" ... Does It Exist?

2009-05-19T13:28:00.023-04:00

I just recently tripped on some video recaps of the Tyra Banks Show on the topic of "good hair" (see example above), and I only needed to watch a few minutes of the show before jumping into writing this blog post. I want to start off by stating that I am quite happy that Tyra Banks has decided to discuss some closeted issues in the black community (issues and conversation topics that many people unfamiliar with "black culture" do not understand or know about). That said, I honestly don't care to go into any deep discussion on the topic of what is or isn't good hair or why so many people in the black community still believe in the idea of "good hair" because the whole idea is based on the false and ridiculous belief that straighter hair is better than "nappy" or "really curly" hair. We live in the 21st century, and yet a good number of black women (like some of the ones on the Tyra Show) still seem to cling to the idea that looser curl patterns are better than "nappier" curl patterns. In my opinion, hair is hair - and curls are curls - no matter what curl pattern, length or style it is in. The whole concept of "good hair" has led many people into a complex about their natural beauty, and I think that is such a waste of self-confidence and esteem. I have seen plenty of black women rock AMAZING natural styles, from afros to sisterlocks to dreadlocks (among the PLENTY of other STUNNING styles that look WONDERFUL on natural hair).

I personally choose to straighten ("perm"/"relax") my hair, like this style:

Contrary to some people's opinions about "relaxing" hair, my decision to "relax" my hair has nothing to do with any form of "self-hate" - it is simply an option that I choose to exercise because I have never really worn my hair any other way (besides straight) since I was a child. Do I think that my hair looks better straight? Not necessarily - it is simply a choice that I exercise through habit, and I am used to styling my hair when it is "relaxed." I personally think I also look great in braids, from very curly styles to "Brandy-like" straight micro-braids. I also loved trying out a cute cornrow hairstyle during my years in college, which definitely received a lot of compliments. I simply love "choice" - and I have never seen a problem with exercising it when it comes to my hair.

My sister and I have two different curl patterns - she has a much looser curl (e.g. Tatiana Ali's hair), while I have a slightly tighter curl pattern. Using "good hair" logic, her hair would qualify as being "better" than mine because of the looseness of her curls compared to mine, but did that ever bother me? Not at all - we both choose to wear our hair in different styles (she relaxes her hair and wears her hair VERY long down her back (past her waist), and I also relax my hair but choose to stick to a more shoulder-length/midback-length hair cut, and I have also worn my hair in various braid/cornrow styles as well. In addition, due to our different curl patterns and hair types overall, we take care of our hair in slightly different ways. I love my hair just as much as she loves her hair, and society's perception of "good hair" versus "bad hair" do not play into our self-confidence with the beauty of our different types of hair.

Overall, we all need to get over this false notion of a certain type of "good hair" and truly appreciate ALL hair types - not just naturally straighter types. In other words: ALL hair is GOOD hair. Any other definition of "good" can be thrown back into the nineteenth century, never to be resurrected again.

Why It Is So Important To Select Friends Carefully

2009-05-16T14:55:00.006-04:00

I am a big fan of B.Scott's channel on YouTube, and appreciate his frankness on so many controversial and not-so-controversial topics. This video on letting go of certain types of friendships is such an important topic for everybody! I'm sure most people have been in a situation where they questioned whether or not to let go of a particular friendship, for various reasons. I have definitely been in this situation and can empathize with every point in B.Scott's video, particularly letting go of negative and competitive friendships. As much as I love and cherish my friends, I am very reluctant to hold on to certain friends that don't "fit well" anymore or drain the life out of me - particularly if the person always has a negative vibe or a negative response to something positive going on, or if they are so competitive that if I say something, they have to match it and "one-up" me on whatever topic, from the most basic topic to the more interesting conversation pieces. Today, I can honestly say that I have no "drainers" in my life, primarily due to the fact that I treasure having peace in my life as much as possible, and guard it with a golden key by choosing my relationships very carefully. A major reason why I have chosen to let certain romantic relationships go, for example, is due to the fact that I am very particular with the kind of man I let into my heart - at that point, it is not only a matter of my keeping "peace" in my life, but also maintaining a sound heart, mind, romantic vibe, trust, and all the other matters that automatically attach to dating.

I very much encourage you to re-evaluate your friendships and cherish the ones that uplift you and keep you encouraged, and consider separating yourself from those that drain the life out of you. Your friends have a major impact on your life, whether you like it or not - so treasure the ones who truly show themselves "friendly," and let go of the ones who are wolves cleverly dressed in "friend" clothing.

Obama is President, and Yet She Crossed the Street...

2009-05-11T14:00:00.005-04:00

A good friend of mine (a young black man) was a bit shocked at a situation that recently happened to him: He explained that as he casually walked down the street on the Upper East Side in New York City (in his sports clothes, since he just finished playing basketball on a nearby court), a young woman who was walking her dog in his direction on the sidewalk decided to immediately cross the street upon seeing him. I did not want to automatically assume that this woman freaked out upon seeing a black man and crossed the street on impulse, so I asked him if he thought her decision had anything to do with his skin color. Unfortunately, it did - he explained that she was walking her dog, her head was looking down, and when she looked up, they made brief eye contact with each other, she noticed he was walking in her direction, looked startled/shocked, and she (along with her dog) then made a immediate sharp right turn off the sidewalk and successfully slid between two tightly-parked cars on the street to get to the sidewalk across the street.

Note: He is black, and she is Asian. They have never met before or had any type of interaction.

My friend was quite confused about the whole ordeal, and didn't quite understand how, in the 21st century, in the age of Obama, that this woman could possibly have an irrational fear of a black man. He wasn't necessarily mad about it - but he was definitely surprised that a young woman (in her early 20s) could have reacted to him (in my opinion, a nice-looking guy who happened to be dressed in his basketball-playing gear) in such a drastic and strange way. Now, admittedly, not too many blacks live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, so perhaps he looked out of place, but there was nothing menacing or strange about his appearance. I do, however, believe that she most likely has been heavily influenced by an incredibly biased media that has done an amazing job at convincing people that blacks - particularly young black men - are people to be naturally afraid of on a day to day basis ("negrophobia"). And yet, at the same time, the media is currently promoting positive images of President Obama and his family. Perhaps she, along with many other people, view the Obamas as the exception to the rule - that perhaps, they could very well be the Cosbys/the "family next door." However, I have never viewed the Obamas as the exception - I saw them as the rule and the standard, and I consider the negative images of blacks on television as the extreme exception that has been blown out of proportion by a media desperate and eager to pigeon-hole blacks into particular categories.

Interestingly enough, my friend noted that he found it strange that this woman happened to be a minority as well (Asian) and decided to react to him in such a harsh manner, particularly in light of the fact that a older white couple was simultaneously passing by him without even flinching. When he asked me about my thoughts on that particular issue, I reflected back to the beliefs we choose to accept/reject about the "other" - and clearly, the young woman had absorbed a perception about black men that directly led to her decision to act so irrationally. I sometimes wonder if the Obama presidency will help reverse erroneous, idiotic, and obviously stereotypical beliefs about black people and potentially reverse the negative stereotypes that may be embedded in some people's consciousness/subconciousness. I guess only time will tell...

Has "Sex and the City" taken over today's teens?

2009-05-05T17:52:00.006-04:00

I just watched a clip of the Tyra Banks Show and was astonished by the very innocent-looking young woman on stage who felt very comfortable discussing her very promiscuous sex life as well as telling her parents about her different sexual experiences (who, by the way, were sitting right next to her). Like Tyra, my mouth dropped to the floor on several occasions, and I could not help but wonder - to what degree has "Sex and the City" become the norm among today's young women? To some degree we are shaped by the media we indulge in, and I am not surprised that the young woman on the Tyra Show admittedly related to Carrie Bradshaw (the main character on SATC). But I am more than disappointed in the fact that she (and I am sure plenty of other women) finds Carrie's type of behavior acceptable in society. One of the biggest take away points that I wanted to share in my brief blog post today is the fact that there is a BIG difference between television and reality when it comes to matters of romance, sex and the heart. Just like video games and violence have an impact on young men and their perception of real world violence, sex on television (think Gossip Girls, Sex and the City, and many soap operas, to name a few media items) have a major impact on young women who are looking for some sort of intimacy with the opposite sex. Very rarely do we see the innocent interactions between men and women as we saw on the hit television show, "Friends" (I adored that show!). Instead, we are taken more than knee-deep into the lustful passions of women both young and not-so-young, and as women relate more and more to the characters, the more they identify with the actions of the characters and consider incorporating such decision-making (wrong or right) into their own everyday lives.

To answer the question, "Has Sex and the City taken over today's teens?," I would love to answer, "No way!" However, my ideal answer and the real answer unfortunately may not sync up.

Blog Update

2009-04-23T11:41:00.002-04:00

Hey Brains and Beauty readers and subscribers!

I just wanted to update you for a moment and let you know that I am in the middle of my last set of finals for law school (graduating on May 17th!) so I won't be posting too often over the next two weeks, but I will be taking study breaks every now and then to post a topic or two, so definitely stay tuned! I also want to thank all of the people who have chosen to subscribe to this blog. I love writing on this site, and if you would like me to talk about any particular topics relating to society, culture, beauty, women issues, or whatever, please feel free to let me know by commenting below this post!

"Still I Rise," by Maya Angelou

2009-04-19T08:02:00.000-04:00

The poem, "Still I Rise," by Maya Angelou, is such a powerful poem that has the uncanny ability to resonate in any soul. I have always loved the poem, but found a new appreciation for it early this morning when I tripped on her recitation of the poem on YouTube:

"Still I Rise," by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Respect Yourself in an Age of Self-Obsession

2009-04-18T10:08:00.007-04:00

I believe there is a fine line between respecting yourself and obsessing over yourself. I'll focus specifically on women when I say that a lot of us love to spend too much time and money investing in our beauty and our overall appearance, sometimes to the point of unhealthy self-obsession for the purposes of gaining respect from certain people, or pleasing whatever self-imposed standard that we believe we must fit every single day. I am a big fan of taking care of oneself and investing in creative ways to play with beauty and fashion, but I definitely do not believe in self-imposed "duties" of looking a certain way or permanently changing our appearance to gain more respect in society. Women transform all the time - they straighten/perm/cut/extend/etc. their hair, lose weight, get plastic surgery, and invest a lot of time in learning the latest fashion trends out of a fear that they may be left behind the "fashion train" and subsequently left outside the scope of society's approval. As a result, we forget who we are on the inside - we forget those hidden dreams, those hidden passions, those hidden fears that we have to conquer, and those hidden desires that only we know in our hearts. As much as I love to indulge in beauty and play with makeup, I never forget the fact that I need to take time daily to grow within. I personally like to spend time growing in my faith, reading books for leisure, and writing down every thought in my mind of the moment into the pages of my journal. A woman's soul, heart and mind do not change when she buys a new lipstick color or loses ten pounds. The only thrill that those things can get you is a temporary elated feeling that has a very small chance of carrying your happiness throughout the rest of the day. On the other hand, spending time nurturing yourself and exploring your passions has such a positive impact that can last a long time, and will help you get to a new level in your life's journey. The degree to which we allow society to dictate our life is the degree to which we lose sight of our hearts, our minds, and our true desires, and I wanted to take some time this morning to tell you that no one has the right to dictate how you should live your life or feel about yourself. What matters is that you respect yourself, that you love yourself, and that you are able to look in the mirror without any clothes and/or makeup on, be able to accept everything that you see, and say: "I am enough. I am beautiful."

My Appreciation for Jeans that Don't "Gap in the Back"

2009-04-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

During a large portion of my "maturing" years, I struggled with the fact that many jeans simply refused to fit my frame without “gaping” in the back – they basically did not fit the way they did when I was young girl, or the way they did on the department store mannequins. In other words - I "curved" out (not quite like J-Lo but close enough) - and eventually had to deal with the inevitable "gap" at the back of my favorite pairs of jeans and always had to wear a belt to make sure the jeans fit properly and comfortably. Of course, exercising (particularly dancing, running or doing Tae-Bo) only made it more "apple-esque," which at the time confused and frustrated me because I mistakenly assumed exercising would minimize the curve and help me fit better into the jeans at the mall. Fortunately, fashion trends have evolved and began appreciating "the curve," even going so far as to create jeans that make one's derriere much more "chunky" looking (thanks to J-Lo, Destiny's Child's "Bootylicious" song, and Sir Mix-A-Lot's classic as well). So, ironically enough - when a woman today asks, "Does my butt look big?," she may no longer be hoping for "no" as a response. I can speak for myself and tell you that if you respond to me with a “no,” it is not only an insult – it is basically a smack in the face of my Jamaican genetics.

I will honestly tell you that I increasingly accepted my “apple curve” over time, eventually realizing how many celebrities were honored for having the "apple" (Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, J-Lo, Beyonce, etc.), and becoming increasingly aware of the extent to which people were willing to create an apple of their own (either through intense exercising, implants, or the lovely cushion pads that you put in the back of your jeans to give it a “lift,” as “discretely” advertised at the back of many fashion magazines). Should I have accepted the "apple" from the beginning? Sure. But I didn’t quite understand it or really appreciate how it looked in clothing until I saw it reflected back at me as a coveted physical asset. Looking back, I know that I should have accepted the curve before the media told me it was acceptable and desirable. Today, I embrace it but I try to be as modest as possible with it while simultaneously appreciating/acknowledging the curve. For example, jeans that are way too tight are a “no-no” for me, and I always stay away from low-riders. That’s just a personal preference though.

So, in my renewed search for better-fitting jeans within a relatively decent price range, I have narrowed my top three jeans choices down to: DKNY Skinny Jeans (fit ok), Applebottom Jeans (fit well) and PZI Jeans (fit really well). If you know of any other jeans that really work well with curves, please let me (and my other readers) know by commenting underneath this blog post. I am in love with both collections, but I am not a fan of the more intense and fluorescent color options on Applebottom's website (I am a basic blue, gray or black jean color girl). Also, some of the PZI Jeans at the Macy's in Times Square looked a bit cheap (probably just a bad sample in that Macy's store) - but I bought a classic skinny black pair on sale yesterday that looked well-made, and fit like a glove.

Although the Macy's Time Square mall did not carry them, I'm really thinking about buying the Classic Skinny Jean by PZI, as seen below:

At the age of 26, I can honestly say I have found a nice pair of jeans that does not require a belt to minimize "jeans gaping," and felt like it was made just for my body - and that was quite a relieving thing. Better late than never, right?

When a Relationship Argument Evolves Into Peace

2009-04-13T10:23:00.009-04:00

Relationships require work, and they also require some understanding and emotional maneuvering when either minor or major difficulties come up and we have to make decisions on how to respond with our partner. I can speak from experience and tell you that I am not perfect when it comes to settling relationship arguments quickly - I have at times operated out of too much emotion rather than logic in order to support my argument or position on whatever topic happened to be the hot issue of the moment. However, with some self-analysis and increasing appreciation for maintaining as much peace as possible in all of my close relationships, I am now more able to recognize when I am operating too much out of emotion, which has definitely improved communication with my partner and the overall peace of our relationship.

I enjoyed reading this short article on Redbook Magazine's website (linked below) by a woman who decided that it was time to lay down her weapons, excuse herself from battle, and embrace peace with her partner instead of battling out an unnecessary argument:
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"How to Stand Up for Yourself" (Redbook Magazine Online)
Who knew that laying down my weapons could be so gratifying?

My husband and I were fighting. This was several years ago, so I can't remember the catalyst, but I'm sure it was something trivial. In the midst of a hot summer, we had just moved from a rambling house in the country to a one-bedroom apartment in the city. Although we loved the Alsatian restaurant down the street and the lecture series at the nearby university, we found ourselves constantly tripping over each other and, worse, each other's stuff. Our formerly infrequent quarrels suddenly became a daily routine.

In the outside world, with polite acquaintances, I am not a confrontational person. But most of my ex-boyfriends would tell you that in romantic relationships I am a scrapper. I always loved that Phyllis Diller quote, "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight." One old flame complained that I never accepted anything less from my opponent than complete and utter surrender, and while I'm sure I argued the point, I was secretly pleased. Why should I apologize for standing up for myself? I believed — and still do — that it's one of the most important abilities a woman can possess.

But that summer, even I had to admit my penchant for battle was wearing thin. Here we stood, squabbling again, the breeze ruffling the curtains of our open windows and our voices probably disturbing the neighbors' peace. It was late afternoon, and while I wasn't ready to capitulate, I just didn't have the heart to stay up and fight. The apartment was too small for me to escape into another room. So I left, quietly closing the door behind me. For the first couple of blocks I expected my husband to come running after me. When he didn't, I thought for a moment about turning around and going back to battle. But I had already started to forget what had caused our fight in the first place. It felt so nice to be out walking, by myself, not racking my brain for the next winning point. I stopped to window-shop outside the bookstore and noticed a neon sign beckoning from a few doors down: Nail Salon. Those two little words took the fight right out of me, and I decided to get myself a pedicure.

While I sat there in the lovely, artificial cool of the salon, soaking my feet, my calves massaged and my blisters pumiced away, I thought about all the times I'd refused to budge until my opponent — my loved one — conceded victory. What, exactly, had I ever gained? And why did I feel this imperative to win? From almost the moment I'd walked out of that apartment, I had felt calm and peaceful. Like myself again. Maybe standing up for that self didn't always have to involve a fight. Maybe sometimes it required a concession. So I left a tip I couldn't afford and headed home in a glow of contrition and forgiveness.

When I got home, I found my husband giving off the very same glow. He jumped off the couch and spread his arms wide. "Where were you?" he asked. He didn't seem to notice my toes, beautifully painted "I'm Not Really a Waitress" red.

I told him I'd gone for a walk, he hugged me, and that was that. I didn't feel like I'd lost — in fact, just the opposite. Who knew that laying down my weapons could be so gratifying? Some battles, it turned out, just weren't worth staying up for — a lesson that granted me peace that night, and for all the nights that have followed.
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Why “Black Love”? True Love Has No Color – Or Does It?

2009-04-08T23:29:00.014-04:00

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama

Eva Marcille and Lance Gross

To what degree is it really necessary to call a black couple an example of “black love”? This term (used frequently during the black power movement in the 1960s and '70s) positively acknowledges and emphasizes the beauty of love between two black people. The term has re-appeared quite a bit lately, particularly in light of the obviously intense love connection between President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. In light of the term’s current popularity, I can’t help but wonder if it is really necessary to support any particular “type” – or shall I say – “race” – of love. On some level, I can understand that some people want to celebrate the beauty of black love in the face of increasing numbers of interracial relationships (particularly between blacks and whites), but I can honestly say that I am troubled by the idea of anyone limiting their choice of a partner by the color of one’s skin. When my boyfriend (who is black/African-American) and I talked about the topic of black love and interracial dating, we both acknowledged the fact that we would have chosen to date each other despite whatever race we happened to be, because we fell in love with each other’s hearts, spirits, minds, personalities, characters, etc., not necessarily the skin color. Do I find his skin color absolutely wonderful? Yes – I am in love with his delicious shade of brown. And do I find black men particularly attractive? Yes I do. But have I ever limited my dating options to only black men? No, I have not. However, I will honestly say that there is something to be said about having intimate and intellectual discussions with my partner on topics such as racism or minority issues in this country and abroad. Black men are not the only people who are able to contribute to such discussion topics – but in my experience, they have always had some really deep insight into race relations (due to both their personal experiences as well as the experiences of their family and peers) that I have always found refreshing. My boyfriend and I are able to have deep discussions about culture and race while acknowledging that it is absolutely impossible to limit any particular cultural, religious, ethnic or racial group into any specific thinking pattern or mindset, which contributes to healthy and deep conversations between the two of us. As a first-generation American (my family is from Jamaica), my thoughts on race and my personal experiences as a black woman in this country sometimes contrast with my boyfriend’s experiences as an African-American male whose family roots back to American slavery and whose family relations are spread out all over the country - but we love to agree to disagree, contributing very different viewpoints and stories on some very sensitive issues relating to racial/ethnic relations.

Having written my cultural anthropology thesis at Harvard College (years ago) on interracial dating, I feel somewhat entitled to contribute some opinion on this somewhat controversial topic. Although I do not plan to share the intimate accounts from that thesis in this current blog post, I will say that many people (more people than you may believe) are socially trained not to consider dating outside of their race, and that is such a sad realization. I have heard people from various racial backgrounds say that they would love to date someone of another race but they don’t know how that person would be received by their family and peers and therefore don’t want to deal with the potential hassle. I have also heard people jump to the conclusion that someone from another race probably has different viewpoints and perspectives on life that they would not even be able to get along or find anything in common as a couple. Despite increasing numbers of interracial couples, there are plenty of people out there who are nervous about approaching a man or woman of another race, and I am very much looking forward to this social fear dissipating from America’s consciousness and subconsciousness (easier said than done, considering the country's tumultuous and horrifying history of race relations). America may be a “cultural melting pot,” but unfortunately the “brew” in the pot only tends to really mix for the most part between 9am to 5pm on weekdays, and then after hours are comprised of mostly racially monogamous get-togethers and social gatherings. When we answer “yes” to the question, “can't we all just get along?,” that “yes” requires some effort to really understand and educate yourself on the “other,” be open-minded to “the other,” and feel comfortable having a real conversation with “the other.” Until that happens more often, the occasional and sometimes subtle distaste for interracial relations will unfortunately continue to linger like an uninvited but nevertheless present “elephant in the room,” and potentially prevent the formation of a lot of great relationships.

True love does not have a color – it may just have a preference, which, in my opinion, is totally fine. I may have a preference for black men, but I do find men of all races and ethnicities attractive and have always been open-minded to dating them. A white man can have a preference for blonds, but that does not automatically preclude him from finding an Indian woman very appealing. A black man may have a preference for Chinese women, but that does not stop him from appreciating the glow of a beautiful black woman. From my perspective, there should be no social rules as to who we should or should not date, but they do exist like a strong, invisible and forceful undercurrent underneath an otherwise smooth-flowing river. I really do believe that every person should sit back and think about whether or not they are truly only attracted to a certain group – or if they don’t feel comfortable dating outside certain racial groups due to a fear of social stigmatization. In my opinion, society’s opinion of your love life and the matters of your heart should not matter in the least. Do you really want society telling you who should or should not enter your bedroom? I hope not! What should really matter is whether or not that person, regardless of race, really makes your heart beat faster when you see them, that you enjoy their company when they are around, and that you both have a workable relationship vibe that is able to stand the test of both good and bad times. Superficially-based and socially-constructed relationships are flawed from the outset – we need to move past the “rules” and forget about whether or not a couple is representative of “Black love,” “White love,” or “Asian love,” and just focus on the fact that the couple is representative of the key word that binds them both: love. It may sound really cheesy, but when all is said and done, your heart knows no color. Perhaps the frustration of today’s current dating scene could ease up if people let their hearts rule, and put their minds and the social constructions buried within, to rest.

Stressed? Why Not Meditate?

2009-04-08T15:08:00.005-04:00

Meditation really is one of the best ways to just "get away" when you can't jump on a plane and escape to Tahiti. I've always been a type-A personality, so as a result I've been intrigued by ways to take a break, relax, and center myself. As a law student, I found it even more important to take mental breaks and just simply tune out, rather than constantly "being on" and buzzing around from assignment to assignment without a real rest. I know some of you may also be thinking about the benefits of meditation, but you're not sure how to get into it. Here is some advice on how to incorporate meditation into your everyday life: (excerpt below courtesy of Mayoclinic.com in an article entitled "Meditation: Take a stress-reduction break wherever you are")

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Everyday ways to practice meditation
Here are some ways you can practice meditation on your own, whenever you choose. Take a few minutes or as much time as you like.

Breathe deeply. This technique is good for beginners because breathing is a natural function. Focus all attention on your breathing. Concentrate on feeling and listening as you inhale and exhale through your nostrils. Breathe deeply and slowly. When you feel your attention wander, gently return your focus to your breathing.

Scan your body. When using this technique, focus attention on different parts of your body. Become aware of your body's various sensations, whether that's pain, tension, warmth or relaxation. Combine body scanning with breathing exercises and imagine breathing heat or relaxation into and out of different parts of your body.

Repeat a sacred name or phrase. A mantra is the name of a sacred deity or a sacred phrase that you repeat silently or aloud. You can create your own mantra. Mantras are the building blocks of transcendental meditation. Examples of religious mantras include a Jesus prayer in the Christian tradition, the holy name of God in Judaism, or the Om mantra of Hinduism, Buddhism and other Eastern religions.

Walking meditation. Combining a walk with meditation is an efficient and healthy way to relax. You can use this technique anywhere you're walking — in a tranquil forest, on a city sidewalk or at the mall. When you use this method, slow down the pace of walking so that you can focus on each movement of your legs or feet. Don't focus on a particular destination. Concentrate on your legs and feet, repeating action words in your mind such as lifting, moving and placing as you lift each foot, move your leg forward and place your foot on the ground.

Engage in prayer. Prayer is the best known and most widely practiced example of meditation. Spoken and written prayers are found in most faith traditions. You can pray using your own words or read prayers written by others. Check the self-help or 12-step-recovery section of your local bookstore for examples. Talk with your rabbi, priest, pastor or other spiritual leader about resources.

Read or listen and take time to reflect. Many people report that they benefit from reading poems or sacred texts silently or aloud, and taking a few moments to quietly reflect on the meaning that the words bring to mind. You can listen to sacred music, spoken words or any music you find relaxing or inspiring. You may want to write your reflections in a journal or discuss them with a friend or spiritual leader.

Focus your love and gratitude. In this type of meditation, you focus your attention on a sacred object or being, weaving feelings of love and gratitude into your thoughts. You can also close your eyes and use your imagination or gaze at representations of the object.
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Just a note: I would encourage you to really think about the time of day when you can take some time to yourself to practice meditation and find out which meditation style works best for you. Even if you have to wake up a half hour earlier in the mornings, or turn off late night television and instead practice meditation, you will definitely feel the mental/psychological benefits after incorporating it into your daily lifestyle.

A Moment of Encouragement

2009-04-06T19:07:00.004-04:00

The video below may be gospel song, but I really do believe that many of my readers (who may or may not be Christian) will be encouraged and lifted up by this inspiring song. In times like these, I think it is always a good thing to contribute a joyful note and lift up those that are dealing with various obstacles and need an encouraging word:

Don't Let Anyone Steal Your Beauty: Commentary on Self-Esteem Part 1

2009-04-05T17:43:00.001-04:00

On an episode of the Tyra Show last week (the show that featured the "Psychic Twins"), a girl admitted that the reason why she chose to date a particular guy (who she now suspected was cheating on her) was due to the fact that he flattered her and made her feel beautiful. In particular, she mentioned that she struggled with accepting her dark skin for a long time and that he made her feel beautiful. I automatically noted that comment in my mind, sensing its blog-worthiness, especially for my readers out there that sometimes feel insecure about their beauty or struggle with a particular physical feature that they had been teased about, or that they feel does not measure up to a beauty standard out there in the world today. I seriously wanted to pause the show, jump through the television to the stage and tell her: "Don't let anyone steal your beauty!" I've stated this time and time again on my blog, but I really don't put any limitations on reiterating the point because society does a great enough job at forcing insecurities down women's throats on a daily basis. So why not balance it out?

Ever since I started making the videos on YouTube and blogging, I've received some direct messages from young women who told me about some intense experiences in their childhood and/or adult life and as a result struggle with their self-esteem every single day. Now, I am going to be real with you and tell you that I, along with countless women, had to work on overcoming my own insecurities - which is why I feel entitled to provide others with some real advice on how to counter whatever self-esteem issues they may deal with everyday.

Society, predominately via the media, encourages women to be aesthetically perfect, or get as close to the "ideal" as possible. As a result, many of us slave over music, magazines, newspapers, internet links and television shows that reinforce the ideal, subconsciously convincing ourselves of a standard that we must conform to or unfortunately result in eventual imperfection. Some women feed off of their own insecurities and judge others that do not conform to the "ideal", and label them as regrettably imperfect and in need of some serious (fill in the blank - e.g. dieting, makeup, plastic surgery, hair styling, etc.).

We choose to absorb this idea of a "standard" to the point of psychological self-harm, opting to damage our otherwise strong sense of selves in order to receive societal approval. The ironic side to this story is the fact that society really never completely approves of anybody. Even Barbie has to reinvent herself in order to keep up with society's incessant, evolving and never-ending concept of ideal beauty. Like Barbie, many women in Hollywood also fight for perfection, requesting some of the most expensive and risky treatments in the name of beauty, and even then find themselves quite annoyed if they are not properly airbrushed in a photo in a magazine. And yet non-celebrity women idolize celebrity women as if they are perfect - and neither group can ever reach it because the standard is an elusive one meant to keep you reaching for something that will require a lot of time and money in order to attain - if you choose to buy into the standard.

Many of you will see where I am going with this post. But what I am about to say is not anything new - in fact, you probably already believe it. The biggest motivation for society's perpetuation of a beauty ideal is to maintain the success of the billion dollar beauty industry worldwide. Everyday, we are inundated with messages from makeup companies, stores, and brand name luxury goods that tell us - you will be one step closer to your ideal self if you indulge in these products and make them a part of your identity. As a result, we choose to make many purchases in the name of identity enhancement, convincing ourselves that we can buy our self-esteem and take one step above the rest in the race entitled "I am Better than You." The intriguing aspect of this race is - it is only real to the extent that we individually choose to participate in it. And the extent to which you choose not to participate is the extent to which your identity is independent of the beauty standard.

Of course, self-esteem independent of society approval is easier said than done. When inundated with messages re: perfection, sometimes it is easier to indulge and give in rather than resist. I choose to appreciate the marketing tactics and the messages on a very superficial level, taking what I want from them and rejecting what I don't care for. To give you a real example, I tune in and tune out certain commercials. For example, when I see a mascara commercial, I'll tune in and listen and watch the commercial, knowing full well that the company is trying as hard as possible to get my attention, make me pick up my purse, and run to the beauty counter to pick up their latest lengthening mascara (and of course, the model in the commercial is wearing fake eyelashes so that doesn't exactly provide a realistic example for me anyway). But I sometimes appreciate the attempt and may look at the product in the store or look for a product review on YouTube to see what people really think about it. On the other hand, when I see commercials about a weight-loss pill or some magic dieting plan, I immediately tune out. Why? We live in a dieting-obsessed culture, and I have never been interested in being very thin. I instead prefer to just stay in shape, try to eat healthy (with the occasional junk food binge), and appreciate my body by wearing certain clothes that complement my shape. At the end of day, I am more than thrilled to be a woman, and like experimenting with fashion and makeup without being TOLD that I have to conform to a certain trend or image. In other words - I am very stubborn with the messages I choose to absorb/not absorb. And some of my dear friends tend to be just as stubborn in their own ways.

Which is why I encourage you to invest some energy in finding out what sort of messages are contributing to the growth of your self-confidence as well as the destruction of your self-esteem (leading to insecurities). In my opinion, that is step number 1 to building up your sense of self, independent of whatever society may have to say about who you are/what you are/what you should be.

This is quite a long post on this topic so I will post more about self-esteem in future blog posts, so definitely stay tuned. Insightful comments are welcome! :)

My Youtube Video on Windproof Relaxed Hair

2009-04-04T16:05:00.001-04:00

Maintain Your Love For Self and Independence in a Relationship

2009-03-29T12:26:00.015-04:00

It is incredibly important to maintain a sense of independence and and self-worth in a relationship. I've noticed that it is so easy to fall captive to the identity of the other person or the relationship itself, easily losing oneself in the name of love. I have had friends disappear into relationships, never to be seen again (or very rare sightings), and I can speak for myself when I say that I've done the same exact thing and have wondered if I let some of my friendships slide as a result of my interest in dedicating a large portion of my time to my significant other. My situation, however, is a little unique due to the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship and only see my boyfriend once a week to once every three weeks, so I like to spend as much time as possible with him when he is in town. However, I've recently decided to recapture some of my own personal interests from my youth (learning foreign languages, poetry, writing, dance) and explore them on my own, with friends, and also with my boyfriend. Here are some personal tips for maintaining your independence in a long-term relationship:

1) Keep a diary and write down your favorite hobbies and passions that peak your interest.
2) Talk to your partner about some creative ways you can explore each other's interests. For example, my boyfriend and I both love poetry (we actually met through our love for poetry), but when it comes to his love for hunting and fishing or my love for dance, he and I make conscious efforts to appreciate each other's passions and learn more about them.
3) When you are apart, try to recapture your passions a little more in-depth and hang out with friends that share that interest.
4) Do not forfeit your friendships in the name of love - I've had plenty of conversations with girlfriends who hate it when their friends disappear when they find a man. Remember that relationships can come and go, but your friends can be there forever. So don't forget to call them and see how they are doing, go out for coffee to catch up, or do something fun together. Also, if you have a friend in a relationship, you can double date!
5) Make a list of passions you would like to explore in the future on your own - perhaps you've always dreamt about going rock climbing or skiing. Even if your partner isn't into those things, that does not at all stop you from taking the time to explore them on your own or with friends. Remember - you and your partner are not one human being - both of you are two separate people with some things in common, and some things not in common. Do not forget about the hobbies and interests that make you unique and make your heart beat a little bit faster.

One of the reasons why I love my boyfriend so much is the fact that he has an intense interest in several hobbies, and has become an expert in many of them. I have always admired his dedication to those hobbies and was inspired to re-evaluate my hobby interests as well and explore them a little bit further. As a result, I have made it a point to read more Spanish and French literature and practice speaking those two languages a bit more. I want to start learning German and Korean in the near future. I would like to re-start my yoga and pilates exercise regimens, work on writing a novel, re-start fencing lessons, and privately work on some dance choreography and consider taking some ballroom dance lessons in the future (which was recently inspired by "Dancing With the Stars" - yes, I can be corny sometimes! :)). I also plan to re-start my knitting lessons, sketching/drawing art, and delve into literature that I have previously put on the bookshelf to be read at some point in the future. When it comes to my love for traveling around the country and the world, I have always loved traveling alone and figuring my way around by myself, but I plan to travel more with my boyfriend, and share some great experiences together.

Always remember that when you are whole, you add substantially more to your relationship, so why not re-find yourself and remember what makes your heart beat with passion? It's never to late to remember your passions and explore them. So why not start today? :)

My YouTube Commentary on the Tyra Banks Show Discussion of Racism and Stereotyping Today

2009-03-24T05:31:00.003-04:00

Thanks for watching!

The Right Foundation for Brown Skin Beauties

2009-03-21T12:26:00.004-04:00

Are you a brown skin beauty and sometimes have trouble finding the right shade of powder or foundation? Do you wonder why you pick up a color and it looks like the right shade but when you go home and try it on, it is a complete mismatch? Well, don't fret at all - there is hope! While I was doing some internet browsing on makeup, I came across this column that provides an excellent summary of basic tips for those of you who have warmer skin tones and want to accentuate your skin's evenness, etc. with the perfect foundation/powder shade:
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How to Select Face Makeup That Complements African-American Coloring
By: eHow Fashion, Style & Personal Care Editor

Since skin tones vary greatly among women of African descent, finding the right face makeup can be tricky. The wrong makeup can lead to an ashen or flat complexion, but with a little insight and a lot of experimentation, you can minimize the guesswork and put your best face forward.

Step 1:
Look beyond your skin's color and examine its undertones. Rich ebony complexions usually have cool, almost blue undertones, while brown and caramel complexions have warm golden undertones.
Step 2:
Choose from shades that appear to be in your color range and may complement your complexion's undertones. Remember that foundation will look different on your skin than it does in a bottle or on a thumbnail palette.
Step 3:
Consider lines that specialize in black beauty products for the widest color selection. Always try foundation on your jawline or the inside of your wrist to get the best idea of a color match.
Step 4:
Set your makeup with a loose translucent powder. If you're blessed with a flawless even complexion, skip the foundation and opt for a tinted moisturizer or tinted powder over bare skin.
Step 5:
Contour your cheekbones with a sweep of blush. Plums, currants and mauves will flatter a medium to dark complexion. Caramel, honey and apricot will complement a medium to light complexion.

Tips & Warnings:

-Bronzer is an alternative to blush for those with a warmer complexion. Dust a light coating over the face, contouring at temples and cheekbones.
-When faced with uneven skin pigment, consult a beauty expert for suggestions on a foundation that will even out your skin tone. You may be a candidate for two colors, that when spread over the right areas, will render the uniform look you desire.
-Think about your skin type when selecting a face makeup. Oilier skins do better with water-based liquid foundations and cream blush, while drier skins benefit from cream formulas.
-Testers in drug stores may not be sterile. Buy with a store guarantee: if the color is not right, then the item is returnable.
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Find the Right Bra Fit and Own Your Size

2009-03-19T13:37:00.034-04:00

It is time to have an extra girly moment (not uncommon on this blog) – let’s talk about bras. 80% of women wear the wrong bra size, so I wanted to take some time to discuss the importance of finding the right bra size. In my last blog post, I celebrated the beauty of curves, and one of the things that helps accentuate curves on a woman is the right bra. You should consider both fit and style: you should be able to move around in it and feel comfortable, and your bra should help accentuate the fit of your clothes, rather than diminish your look. You should also consider the fact that not all bras are made for all occasions. For example, you will not catch me wearing a Victoria’s Secret "Very Sexy" bra while I go for a jog – I instead opt for my black Nike’s sports bra that provides amazing support and absolutely no need for “adjustment” during the run. However, I am a huge fan of Victoria’s Secret bras overall (particularly the “Very Sexy” and “Body By Victoria” collections).

My Victoria's Secret (VS) addiction began around my junior year in college, when I visited a nearby VS store, and was approached by a friendly salesperson who asked if I wanted to be measured so I could find the right bra size. Lo and behold, she revealed a completely different number than I had in my head, and I have to admit – I was incredibly happy to take ownership of my new size number, and of course, went on a bra-buying frenzy, eventually amassing a major VS bra collection in my wardrobe.

If you don’t plan on visiting a VS store soon, you can still find out if you are wearing the right bra size on your own. First, here is some bra lingo to get straight (courtesy of BraSizeInfo.com):

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Cup:
-The cup of the bra should fully encase each breast.
-There should not be any spillage out of the top or the sides of the cup. There should not be any wrinkling on the cup. The cup should support each breast.

Band:
-The band should fit very snugly and be straight all the way around the rib cage.
-The band should not move if you were to do trunk twists for example. The band should not ride up your back or make it difficult to breathe.

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With your current bra collection, make sure that they fit the following basic criteria: (courtesy of BraSizeInfo.com):

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->Top of the bra cup should completely contain the breast. If bulging exists, the cup is too small.
->If wrinkling, the cup is too big.
->Bra band should fit very snugly around the rib cage.
->Back of the bra should stay down on the body. If the back rides up the band may be too large.

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To measure your bra size: (courtesy of BraSizeInfo.com):
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Step 1. Band Size: While standing straight and wearing a regular bra, wrap the tape measure around your chest, above the bust. Make sure the tape is straight all the way around you. Pull the tape until it is taut but not restrictive or pinching.
Now, round the measurement to the nearest even number. That's your band size or rib cage measurement.
Example Band size: 33 ½ = 34 band

Step 2. Cup Size: While still standing and wearing a regular bra, wrap the tape measure around the fullest part of your bust. Again, pull the tape until it is taut but not pinching or digging into your bust.
Make sure the tape is straight and around the fullest part of your bust. If you are in between whole numbers for this measurement, round to the nearest whole number. If you're directly in between two whole numbers, round to the next largest whole number. Example : 38 ½ = 39

Now, subtract your even-numbered band size (step #1) from the whole-numbered measurement in step #2 and convert the difference to your cup size according to the [provided] chart (the first chart found on Brasizeinfo.com).
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Note: Brasizeinfo.com also offers other alternative methods to measure your bra size, so I encourage you to check out their site for more information.

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Here are some great tips I found in another article, "How To Measure Your Bra Size":
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Cup sizes above D tend to vary much less reliably between manufacturers. Some brands go to the next letter of the alphabet for every added inch, while other brands may simply add on the same letter for every inch.

A well-fitted bra should provide support from the band, not the straps. You should be able to take off the straps and still feel supported by the bra.

Always try on a bra before you buy, and keep an open mind about your size.

It is possible to find out your bra size without a tape measure. If you already wear a bra which seems to fit well in the cup, but is roomy around the band, you can go down a band size and up a cup size until you get to a size you can only just fasten - this is the right size. (e.g. 36C -> 34D -> 32DD)

If you have uneven cup sizes, go with the bigger side. You can support the smaller breast by making that shoulder strap slightly shorter, or alternatively you can pad out the cup.

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So, whether you are small, medium or large-chested, it is incredibly important to understand your body, to know your size, and wear the right bra that makes you feel comfortable and looks great under your outfits. Also, note that you should consider getting re-measured if your weight has changed, if you haven't been measured in a few years, or if your bras overall do not seem to be fitting the way they used to in the past.

Here is a great Youtube video on how to measure your bra size. It also offers some valuable tips on finding the right bra:

I will be writing a blog post about how to coordinate the right bra with the right outfit at some point in the near future, so stay tuned!

The Beauty of Today's Voluptuous Woman (Of All Sizes)

2009-03-19T00:47:00.006-04:00

There is something to be said for the beauty of voluptuous women. I’m very much impressed by the curvy beauties of today. Beyonce, Monica Bellucci, Tyra Banks, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt are just a few examples of beauties in the media today who "own" their curves and wear them well. However, I did find it strange that people attacked Jennifer Love Hewitt for being too fat based on her photos in a bikini with a bit of cellulite on her size 2 frame:

Leave it to the media to categorize this picture as the epitomy of "sexy gone wrong".

Check out this supposedly "not-so-flattering" picture of Tyra Banks in her suit:

Now, I have to wonder: What is it about “curvy” celebrities that sends the media into a crazy tailspin? It is almost as if these women didn’t have a right to gain some weight because they, as celebrities, have a contractual duty to the public to remain as slim as possible in order to perpetuate the social consciousness of “thin is in.” How dare these women rebel against the skinny ideal by eating food! Who ever heard of such a thing?

Puh-lease.

Both of these women handled the criticism well and in a very mature fashion, helping “real” women to feel comfortable in their own skin. Tyra Banks discussed the above swimsuit photo on the Tyra Banks Show and said that the picture was “so outrageous” as she stood in the same swimsuit next to the tabloid photo on a screen, stating that the photo was “taken three weeks ago,” she only weighed 150 pounds, and she just happened to gain 10 – not 40 – pounds around the holidays. She thought the photo was “curvy,” “sexy,” and “beautiful”, but noted that it was not her real figure at the moment. Furthermore, she noted that even if she did look like that, it would be fine. She noted that the tabloids are obsessed with weight, waiting for a not-so-flattering angle in order to sell magazines. She even showed other photos from the same day that were not retouched with angles that were very flattering and very "curvy slim". Because of the not-so-slender photo, she was labeled by the media as “Tyra Porkchops” and “America’s Next Top Waddle.” When she checked out people’s comments about her online, she noted that someone had circled a little love handle that was visible during her last Victoria’s Secret fashion show in a photo. She found that to be so ridiculous, noting that if she had lower self-esteem, she would be starving herself right now. She tearfully exclaimed a message to those women who criticize those who are naturally curvy: “Kiss my fat a**!”. (See a portion of it here on a YouTube video):

Jennifer Love Hewitt had a similar message. When the tabloids freaked about the bikini "cellulite photos", Jennifer, on November 29, 2007, posted this message:

“I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful. What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body. To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.”

My response? I agree 100%. I honestly think the tabloids are obsessed with Tyra and Jennifer’s curve - not because it is necessarily “bad looking” - but because it stands contrary to the “thin standard” that they used to fit into and helped them gain fame several years ago. Now, I am a fan of “healthy curve” – curve that is natural and not brought on by unhealthy lifestyles. However, these tabloids and the media in general don't really care if the curve comes in unhealthy or healthy form – if you have curve, you are automatically fat, and therefore unattractive. According to society's illogical logic today, it is completely unrealistic to be “curvy” and not be fat (and therefore unattractive) on some level.

Today, Jessica Simpson seems to be the newest tabloid obsession.

Her latest "curvy" pictures have been broadcast across every single visual medium, and bloggers and newspapers have been tearing into her weight gain like wolves on prey. Her photos even prompted AskMen.com to ask its readers, "Fast Jessica Simpson: Still Hot?," encouraging a whole slew of readers to positively and negatively opine on her weight gain. In a US Magazine article, Jessica Simpson stated, "Do you think the guys . . . are all really looking at all those skinny girls and thinking, 'Wow, I want to get with her?' Or are they looking at the girls with the curves and thinking, 'Yeah, I want to get with her'!" Simpson said. Simpson added, "I don't get the whole rail thing. It's not good for your heart, it's not good for your mind; it's emotionally destructive, it really is." My thoughts on Jessica's weight gain: As long as she maintains a healthy diet and exercise regimen, she should embrace her curviness and show it off without hesitation.

Meghan McCain (Senator John McCain's daughter) has also faced some very recent criticism about her weight from Laura Ingraham, who clearly dislikes (or is perhaps jealous of) Meghan's latest claim to Republican pundit fame.

A recent photo of Meghan:

Laura stated, "Do you think that anyone would be talking to you if you weren't kind of cute and you weren’t the daughter of John McCain?" Ingraham continued, imitating McCain using a "valley girl" impersonation: "OK, I was really hoping that I was going to get that role in 'The Real World,' but then I realized that, well, they don't like plus-sized models. They only like the women who look a certain way." Meghan's response? A reincarnation of Tyra's "Kiss My Fat A**!":

If you are a woman with curves and occasionally doubt the beauty of your natural size, I encourage you to consider the confidence and beauty of more than a handful of curvy celebrity beauties out there, including:

Beyonce and her wonderful frame:

And the curvy and celebrated European beauty, Monica Bellucci:

The article, “Monica Bellucci’s Proud Curves”, states:

“Monica Bellucci is proud of her sexy curves. The sultry 'Matrix Reloaded' actress takes great care of her voluptuous figure and refuses to feel guilty about her body. She told Esquire magazine: "My body is so important to me. My face, my arms, my legs, my hands, my eyes, everything. I use everything I have. Today, if women look or feel voluptuous they feel guilty but beauty has no law and there is no way to be beautiful . . . She believes playing strong, passionate characters will help women change their body image perceptions . . . "Beauty is like a Ferrari because you have got to know how to drive it. Beauty can serve you if you know how to deal with it. . .”

Wonderfully stated.

Does Your Hairstyle Fit Your Face?

2009-03-18T15:16:00.011-04:00

I love to vary up my hairstyle on occasion, but I pay very close attention to how the hairstyle will fit my face shape, proportions, etc. A hairstyle, for example, may look amazing on Halle, Rhianna, Gabrielle Union, Beyonce, Tyra, etc., but I absolutely refuse to copy a style if I have a gut feeling that it may not suit me well. Furthermore, I am more than fully aware that those celebrities have a team of hairstylists to keep every curl and flip in place, so I purposely avoid hairstyles that require too much daily maintenance.

Your face shape plays a major role in the way your hairstyle fits your look overall. I found a great hairstyle guide on Amidbeauty.com (copied below), and wanted to share it with you! Perhaps you may be inspired to change up your look, or pat yourself on the back for choosing the right style for your particular face shape! :)
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Amidbeauty.com
Did you know that a certain hairstyle will compliment your beauty depending on the shape of your face??

Below are a list of shapes and descriptions to assist in determining a style that's truly you!

Many of us know what styles look good and some of us do not. You may ask yourself. Certain styles will enhance your face while other apply a negative affect. To determine hairstyles that compliment you, one must learn about facial shapes. The most common shapes are: Oval, Rectangular/Oblong, Round, Square and Heart. There are some that will fall into the category of Triangular or Diamond.

Finding the shape of your face will not only bring spark to your image, it will save you from having many, many bad styles!

A ROUND shaped face is displayed with full, round circular cheeks. Layers on the top and longer length near the back elongate your face. Round faces look great with longer, layered styles with lots of curls.

*Keep the sides close to the face and promote height at the crown. The goal of this style is to create an oval appearance and lift the face*

A SQUARE shaped face is described when the angular jawline is the same width as the forehead. This facial type looks best by trying a short style that is wavy on top. A wide forehead and jawline is softened by wispy edges.

*Soften the edges of your square-shape face by directing soft wavy bangs down over your temples.*

A HEART shaped face is characterized by a wide forehead, high cheekbones with a "V" shaped chin. Try a short, cropped style that is tapered at the neck. The long, wispy fringe softens a round and peaked forehead. This style is achieved when layers are long at the crown, graduated at the sides and tapered at the nape. The hair should be past the chin area.

*The best looks for this facial shape are full, curly and bouncy styles that create width around the narrow chin.*

An OVAL shaped face is well-porportioned. The length of the face is longer than the width. A classic oval shaped face looks great with any hairstyle! The preferred style would be long with graduated layers.

A RECTANGLE shaped face shows a narrow forehead and a wide chin. Try a shapely layered look or a curly style. Layers and heavy fringes build fullness on top to soften a wider crown.

*Select styles with more width and volume. Adding bangs will help to shorten a long shape face.*
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Great Advice for Those Moving to A New City

2009-03-12T16:31:00.016-04:00

As a lover of change, I am more than ecstatic that I will soon be moving to a new city to start my legal career upon graduating law school. I (along with many others who are making a moving transition this year) very much appreciate tips and advice on how to make a move as fluid as possible, and acclimate to new surroundings with as much ease as possible.

I have lived in various cities in the United States and abroad, and can honestly say that each move brought new challenges, new experiences, new friends, and new hopes and dreams. While browsing around online, I tripped on the fabulous Redbook Magazine, and found this article gracefully appetizing in light of my pending big move! If you are planning to move to a new place (or know anyone who will be) or you are relatively new to a location and want to make it a more enjoyable place for yourself, this is definitely an article worth a quick read!

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"5 Steps to Take Before Moving to a New City" by Nicole Yorio, Redbook Magazine

Why is moving to a new place so fraught with emotion?
There's a fear of the unknown and doubt as to whether you've made the right choice. And there's a sense of closure — every move brings completion to a chapter in your life, so take time to reflect on the experiences you've had and be grateful for the people you've met. Also, you'll feel excitement in trying new things, meeting new people, and having new opportunities. It's as if life has given you a blank slate to start fresh, so find the joy in that possibility.

How can I make moving easier?
Instead of tackling everything at once — and feeling totally overwhelmed — set small goals and reward yourself when you complete each task. (Get a manicure after you box up your bathroom or take a walk after unpacking your kitchen items.) Celebrating successes reenergizes you to keep at it — and ensures that packing doesn't take over your life.

The toughest part of a move is leaving people you love. My family lives in Europe, and I live here, so we've created a system. I'll text them if I'm on the train, e-mail them about a great concert I saw, or Skype with my nieces and nephews to see how they're growing. Keeping one another updated on life's big and small moments helps love flow.

How can I make new friends without appearing desperate?
Focus on doing what you love, whether that means taking a yoga class or volunteering at a shelter — it'll help you meet like-minded people and keep you occupied with activities you enjoy. And savor any alone time: Rent movies, write in a journal, or do whatever nurtures your soul. Soon enough, someone or something else will start filling up your time. Life has a natural way of unfolding — and you will eventually meet everyone who should be in yours.

What mistakes do people make when they move to a new city, and how can I avoid them?
Some people set too-high expectations: You're not going to get invited to the greatest party in town on your first day. Other people think they're going to love their new city immediately, but it takes time to form a relationship with a place. To adjust, stick to the schedule that works for you, whether that means reading in the local café on Saturday mornings or grocery shopping on Sunday nights. The quicker you put your normal routines into place, the sooner you'll feel comfortable. And give yourself credit for following through with your decision to move. You jumped in and took a risk; you'll make mistakes along the way, but on the other side, you'll find self-esteem and a new inner strength.

Setting Down New Roots: Top 5 Steps to Take
1. Make a plan. Create a checklist for everything that needs to get done — from packing to canceling utilities.

2. Say good-bye. Don't avoid discussing the move with your circle. Sharing your excitement and reservations will make this change easier for all of you.

3. Get the lay of the land. Before you move, buy a map and a travel book that tells you all about your new state or city. Once there, take a leisurely drive or walk to locate your neighborhood post office, dry cleaner, grocery store, and pharmacy.

4. Psych yourself up. Think of the move as an adventure. Appreciate each new discovery, from an out-of-the-way art-house movie theater to a great Thai take-out place.

5. Be patient. Settling in takes time, so go easy on yourself and let your new life evolve on its own. Little by little, all will fall into place.
—Nicole Yorio
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Low Maintenance Beauty Every Day

2009-03-11T02:35:00.007-04:00

When it comes to skin care and makeup, I am all about low-maintenance beauty. We live in a day and age where time is of the utmost importance, and yet we read magazines and watch television ads and YouTube videos that highlight some of the most complicated beauty regimens. However, you should not feel the need to invest hours in your beauty regimen every day – you should instead specifically fine-tune your beauty routine to your needs in the morning so that you do not waste time overdoing your makeup and potentially appearing “overdone.” You will also save time by fine-tuning your regimen and refocus your energy on facial features that you want to emphasize for the day and/or night.

Here are some of my tips for a quick, low-maintenance beauty regimen:
1) Invest time and energy in understanding what you like about your face and emphasize that feature with the right makeup for you:
For example, I really like my eyes and my lips, so I enjoy spending energy and money on good products that highlight them. For these features, I only tend to wear deep black eyeliner that does not run easily, and muted red lipsticks that don’t rub off easily, and have a smooth matte look.

2) Invest energy in maintaining a nice and clean, bright complexion:
Despite what makeup advertising may say, a great foundation will not function at its best on skin if the person does not really take care of the skin by washing it with the right facial soap, exfoliating it regularly, and using the right lotion, astringent, toner, etc. (if needed). You need to find the right skin care regimen for you and stick with it. You also need to take care of your skin in the morning AND at night. For example, you may have a great beauty regime in the morning, but do not forget to carefully remove all of your makeup and wash your face at night – otherwise you may frustrate your skin, and potentially cause skin issues in the future. Avoid the potential headache and remove makeup every night, and go through whatever motions are necessary for your particular type of skin.

3) Organize your beauty items in order to save time:
If you want to save time in the morning and at night, make sure to place your beauty items in the right location on your beauty stand, bathroom, etc. so that you can utilize them efficiently without any frustration and/or complication. I like to take some time to organize my beauty table once a week so that everything is in its right location so I can sit down at the table, put on what I like, and then continue on with my day (I’m not a fan of spending a long time searching for a misplaced eyeliner or mascara tube in the morning!).

4) Regularly replace old makeup:
Don’t hold on to makeup for too long. I know a lot of us may have eye shadow or mascara that we hold dear to our hearts and would never want to throw away, but - if the item is too old, you may be applying bacteria, etc. to your skin and potentially cause annoying skin problems. Fitness Magazine explored this topic in their article, "When Should I Throw My Old Cosmetics Out?" (excerpt copied below):
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Cosmetics - both skin care and makeup - aren't meant to grow old with you. "Products are developed to last a year or two," says Peter Pugliese, M.D., a skin physiologist in Reading, Pennsylvania. However, contamination can occur at any time, since makeup is always in contact with germ-prone areas like your eyes, mouth and fingers. In general, always toss anything that has changed color or consistency or has a bad odor. Otherwise, use these guidelines to assess the shelf life of common beauty products.

-Most powders, concealers and lip balms are anhydrous (they don't contain water), so they can last for a couple of years, says Dr. Pugliese.
-Cleansers and moisturizers often contain fatty acids, which can turn rancid quickly. Toss after six months.
-Multiuse products such as 3-in-1 sticks and creams can spread germs from lips to eyes and cheeks. Wipe the surface before switching areas, and discard or replace after six months.
-Pencils can last several years unless you wet the tip with saliva or water. To be safe, sharpen before each use.
-Mascara should be tossed after three months without fail. The tube is a breeding ground for bacteria," says Dr. Pugliese.
-Foundations can last up to a year if you keep your fingers away from the bottle. Instead, use a sponge to apply.
-Store cosmetics in a cool, dry place outside the bathroom to extend their shelf life.
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And my final tip:
5) Vary up your quick routine and have fun with it!
Don’t feel locked into the same beauty routine – you may eventually get bored with it all together. After you have thrown out your old makeup, why not visit a beauty counter and see what else strikes your fancy? You have the luxury of varying price point makeup options, so figure out how much you are willing to spend, and have fun with your look. You are a beautiful, living and breathing palette to be explored, and as your own personalized artist, you may as well take advantage of your unique creativity and have fun with your look every now and then. ;)

Don't Let The Economy Affect Your Love Life

2009-03-09T20:02:00.009-04:00

Yes, the economy is in the toilet, but that does not mean that your love life should follow. I just skimmed Essence Magazine's most recent issue (April 2009), and found a great article that I thought would be quite useful to those of you out there that are interested in "recession-proofing" your love life.

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"Love Don't Cost a Thing," By Chloe Hilliard (Essence Magazine, April 2009 issue, p. 82)
Even though times are tough, there's no reason for your dating life to plummet like the stock market. Try these tips for high-romance, low-finance fun.

Before the recession, your date night might have been spent at a chic restaurant. But times - and disposable incomes - have changed. "Now I have to be a little bit tighter," says Rhamon Daley, 33, a teacher who used to think nothing of dropping $120 on a date with a special lady. The next time your leading man asks what you want to do, keep these fiscally responsible ideas in mind.

Expand Your Horizons
"There are several things you can do other than dinner and a movie," says Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman's Secrets to Closing the Deal With Any Guy You Want (HCI). Instead of heading to a dark theater to sit in silence, try an unconventional outing like visiting a local monument, going to a bookstore for an author reading or signing, venturing to a museum (many have free nights), or volunteering for community service together.

Break a Sweat
What better way to get an idea of his stamina than to test it? Try renting bikes to cycle around the city, borrowing some tennis rackets from friends and heading to an outdoor court, or going to a local track to run a few laps together (it's ok to go at a chatting pace). To get even closer (and avoid messing up your hair), ask your guy to join you at a Chicago step or tango dance class - some dance studios offer the first class for free. Or go for an afternoon stroll hand in hand through a scenic park.

Work the Web
Search online for great information on free concerts, events at a discount and cheap eats. Citysearch.com, Dailycandy.com and Going.com can help you uncover local jewels that are trendy and inexpensive. If you forget to plan ahead, don't worry. Urbanspoon.com has a new application for iPhone users that will offer restaurant suggestions based on price, cuisine preference and the neighborhood in which you're located.

Dine at a Discount
"Don't take advantage of your date," says Dorothy Robinson, coauthor of Dating Makes You Want to Die: But You Have to Do It Anyway (Collins Living). Just because he's likely to pick up the tab doesn't mean you should order from the steak side of the menu. And you shouldn't turn your nose up if he takes you to a chain restaurant. Better yet, spend the afternoon picking up delicious ingredients at a local farmers' market, then cook à deux. Things will heat up!
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President Obama Has a Teleprompter Obsession?

2009-03-06T08:33:00.018-05:00

President Obama has a tendency to look right, then left, then right, then left, quite often during his speeches, which made me wonder why he didn't look directly at people on varying angles, or directly at the camera more often. Reason: he likes using a teleprompter a lot during his speeches. But overall, I don't see what the big deal is. Despite what some people may think about his use of the teleprompter, he clearly is a master orator - and besides, how many people can be placed in front of a teleprompter and deliver a speech with that much oratory talent? I don't think the teleprompter operates as the President's crutch - it rather operates as a device to maximize his incredible rhetorical skills in order to not only inform the American public to the best of his ability but also implicitly counter the obvious and sometimes amusing inarticulateness of our last President. See Politico's article below about President Obama and his use of the teleprompter:

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"Obama's Safety Net: The TelePrompter," Carol E. Lee, "Politico.com," March 5, 2009

President Barack Obama doesn’t go anywhere without his TelePrompter.
The textbook-sized panes of glass holding the president’s prepared remarks follow him wherever he speaks.
Resting on top of a tall, narrow pole, they flank his podium during speeches in the White House’s stately parlors. They stood next to him on the floor of a manufacturing plant in Indiana as he pitched his economic stimulus plan. They traveled to the Department of Transportation this week and were in the Capitol Rotunda last month when he paid tribute to Abraham Lincoln in six-minute prepared remarks.
Obama’s reliance on the teleprompter is unusual — not only because he is famous for his oratory, but because no other president has used one so consistently and at so many events, large and small.
After the teleprompter malfunctioned a few times last summer and Obama delivered some less-than-soaring speeches, reports surfaced that he was training to wean himself off of the device while on vacation in Hawaii. But no such luck.
His use of the teleprompter makes work tricky for the television crews and photographers trying to capture an image of the president announcing a new Cabinet secretary or housing plan without a pane of glass blocking his face. And it is a startling sight to see such sleek, modern technology set against the mahogany doors and Bohemian crystal chandeliers in the East Room or the marble columns of the Grand Foyer.
“It’s just something presidents haven’t done,” said Martha Joynt Kumar, a presidential historian who has held court in the White House since December 1975. “It’s jarring to the eye. In a way, it stands in the middle between the audience and the president because his eye is on the teleprompter.”
Just how much of a crutch the teleprompter has become for Obama was on sharp display during his latest commerce secretary announcement. The president spoke from a teleprompter in the ornate Indian Treaty Room for a few minutes. Then Gov. Gary Locke stepped to the podium and pulled out a piece of paper for reference.
The president’s teleprompter also elicited some uncomfortable laughter after he announced Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius as his choice for Health and Human Services secretary. “Kathy,” Obama said, turning the podium over to Sebelius, who waited at the microphone for an awkward few seconds while the teleprompters were lowered to the floor and the television cameras rolled.
Obama has relied on a teleprompter through even the shortest announcements and when repeating the same lines on his economic stimulus plan that he's been saying for months — whereas past presidents have mostly worked off of notes on the podium except during major speeches, such as the State of the Union.

Ari Fleischer, a former spokesman for George W. Bush, said while it’s entirely a matter of personal style, using a teleprompter at these smaller events has its drawbacks.
“It removes you from the audience in the room,” Fleischer said. When speaking from notes, Fleischer said, the president can pick up his head and make eye contact with those in the audience, as opposed to focusing on the teleprompter to his left and right.
Bush, Fleischer added, “would use the teleprompter for his major big events, but when he would travel around the country or do events, he would almost always work off of large index cards.”
The White House says Obama’s point of reference is insignificant.
"Whether one uses note cards or a teleprompter, the American people are a lot more concerned about the plans relayed than the method of delivery. This is not always true of the media," said Bill Burton, deputy press secretary.
Obama has never tried to hide his use of a teleprompter. It was a mainstay during the final months of his campaign. He brought it to county fairs and campaign rallies alike — and once had it set up in the ring at a rodeo.
In a break from his routine, Obama did not use a teleprompter during his pre-Inauguration speech at a factory in Bedford Heights, Ohio — and his delivery seemed to suffer. He paused too long at parts. He accentuated the wrong words. And overall he sounded hesitant and halting as he spoke from the prepared remarks on the podium.
As president, the stakes in what he says are higher. Governing is not campaigning, and, as a former first-term senator, Obama has not held a previous elected position where his words carried even close to this level of influence.
“In this kind of environment, you don’t want to make mistakes — on the economy you’re talking about doing things that affect the markets,” Kumar said.
But be it extra precaution, style or a mental crutch, Obama has shown in the past that he needs the teleprompter. And while he still has his prepared remarks placed on the podium in a leather folder, the White House has shown no sign of trying to wean him off of it.
Before Obama entered a room in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on Wednesday to announce his crackdown on defense contracts, a CNN reporter asked an Obama aide if the teleprompter could be moved further away from the podium or lowered. The answer was an unequivocal ‘no.’
“He uses them to death,” a television crewmember who also covered the White House under Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush said of the teleprompter. “The problem is, he never looks at you. He’s looking left, right, left, right — not at the camera. It’s almost like he’s not making eye contact with the American people.”
Wednesday’s event posed another scenario photographers and television crews have to work around. Obama had five others join him at the announcement, including Sen. John McCain. The takeaway shot was of Obama and McCain. But the teleprompter on Obama’s left was almost directly in front of McCain.
“You couldn’t get a good angle on him with McCain,” said a White House photographer who also covered Bush. “So if there’s someone else important in the frame, it’s hard to get a shot without the teleprompter.”
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My Face Care Regimen (Youtube Video)

2009-03-04T18:41:00.003-05:00

Enjoy! And if you have questions, please feel free to ask!

The “Right” Man for Me – and A Beautiful Goodbye to All the “Wrong” Ones

2009-03-03T20:07:00.019-05:00

There is something to be said about finding the “right” person for you – it is a wonderful experience. Everything fits, you love the person, and you are looking forward to your future together. However, what determines a person “rightness”? To what degree are they inherently “right,” or to what degree are they “right” because you experienced “wrong” ones? One could easily respond – “Who cares? If you find the right person, then the other ones shouldn’t even matter.” My response? Agreed – but my question specifically focuses on this question: To what degree did the wrong ones actually shape the existence of someone being “right”? Perhaps, if you never dated the wrong ones, you would have never known what you did or did not like in a partner, and perhaps may not have met one that specifically fits your interests, personality, lifestyle, etc.

Now, I know this is not at all the most appropriate forum to discuss my dating history (I reserve that for my journal ;)), but I will say that I have a peculiar penchant for men who share my faith (I am Christian), are emotionally in tune with me, have similar career/lifestyle interests, and are gentlemen through and through. I also admire a man who knows how to court a woman – and yes, that may seem old-fashioned, but it works for me.

In addition to my man’s “rightness” overall, his courtship skills won me over. We started off as friends, at a time when I was not in the mood to date anybody. But he said something that stuck in my mind: “I like you a lot, and if you ever gave me the green light on the door, I would walk through.” Simple, and to the point. It gave me the space and time to really think about him as well as “us” as a couple. His statement pretty much meant – I was giving him the red light at the moment, and if I always chose to give him the red light, he would respect that. But if I ever gave a green light signal, he would court me and then commence a serious relationship. It is a statement that I will never forget. Ever since I gave him the green light, it has been on ever since. We cherish each other, and we love each other through and through.

Caution for those who would like to avoid repeating another bad relationship: Fine-tune your “choosing criteria.” For example, I purposely made it a point to go through my prior relationships and think about what it was that I liked/did not like about the relationships, and figure out what I did right/wrong as well as what he did right/wrong, so as to make a more educated decision when the right guy came along. Result? My “choosing criteria” thought process was one of the best things I could have ever done – I became more aware of what I wanted, but most importantly, I knew what did work/did not work for me. As a result, I saved myself a lot of headache by avoiding certain relationships and instead chose to wait it out until I knew the right person was standing in front of me. Caution: Do not automatically shut yourself off from a potentially great partner just because they remind you of your ex (their national origin, race, religion, whatever). I have noticed many people do this, but I have always thought that it was better to get to know a person before automatically putting them in the “eek, he reminds me of my ex, and that really creeps me out” category.

Random note: What is “right” for me is not necessarily right for you (and likewise, what is “wrong” for me may very well be “right” for you). “Right” is a relative term with a basic and very important level of objectivity (does the person treat you well, respect you, etc.). The term is mostly “subjective” and is determined by your own perception of what works for you, and what you want (and what you do not want) in your present and future.

I encourage you to take your family and friends’ advice for your relationships (from an objective standpoint, they may be able to see not-so-great qualities in that person that you may not notice, especially if you are already infatuated with the person), but keep in mind that only you will be in the relationship, not them, and you are the one who will ultimately have to deal with your partner. So make an educated decision, and be happy with your finely-tuned definition of “right.” ☺

Michelle Obama's "Right To Bare Arms"

2009-03-02T12:02:00.018-05:00

Yes, Michelle has that right, and she exercises it well! Plus, she is the only first lady who has inspired me to fine-tune my own fitness regime and resume my pilates workout! Some people have made a big deal about Michelle's sleeveless outfits, but in consideration of the constant comparisons to Jackie-O and overall obsession with Michelle Obama's style overall, I am not really all that concerned with the fashion world's critique of her look.

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"Up In Arms: Michelle Obama's Sleeveless Style Sparks Controversy," Huffington Post, February 27, 2009

Michelle Obama made the sleeveless dress something of a signature look this past week, choosing to bare her arms four times in seven days.

The First Lady impressed many, but also made a few waves on Tuesday night when she broke with tradition and wore a sleeveless Narciso Rodriguez dress to the President's address before Congress. Opinion was divided over whether it was appropriate to show so much skin at such a ceremonial event.

"'Does the lady not understand that these Big Speech Events are serious and important? Not a cocktail party?'" wrote one Chicago Tribune reader. "''The season is winter. The occasion is business. Dress was wrong place and time.'"

Social Secretary Desiree Rogers defended the decision, telling the Washington Post that Mrs. Obama's feeling is "If I want to wear no sleeves to hear my husband speak, that's what I'm going to do."

After appearing in a (relatively) conservative houndstooth suit last Friday, the First Lady went sleeveless in a purple Jason Wu dress to speak to culinary students in the White House kitchen on Sunday afternoon. That night she co-hosted a black-tie dinner for the nation's governors (along with her husband, the President), donning a sparkly strapless gown by Chicago native Peter Soronen.

The next night, on Wednesday, she went sleeveless again with an emerald Kai Milla dress to the White House's Stevie Wonder concert.

On Friday, the First Lady again went bare in her official portrait released by the White House, in which she appears in a black Michael Kors dress, and on the cover of People magazine, for which she wore a pink Tracy Reese sheath.

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"Michelle Obama's Right To Bare Arms," People's StyleWatch Section, February 27, 2009:

It may be February and freezing, but Michelle Obama is heating up D.C. with her toned arms — often bared and on display in the First Lady’s fearless fashion choices. From the Inaugural Ball, where Obama showed off her shoulders and arms in a Jason Wu strapless gown, to the pink Tracy Reese frock she chose for her PEOPLE cover, her lean limbs are what everyone is buzzing about. But don’t think they come that easily. Her workout regimen includes cardio, calisthenics and weights, she told PEOPLE when she was on the campaign trail in 2007, and don’t forget good old-fashioned pushups. “It’s jump squats, you go down into a pushup then you jump up,” she said then about her routine. “What does [my trainer] call it? Squat thrusts! That’s the one I really hate. Squat thrusts with a pushup.” Celebrity trainer Elisa Gulan said not only push-ups, but probably light weights and heavy repetition helped sculpt her arms. “She has amazing tone and definition, but her arms are also sleek and streamlined,” said Gulan, whose clients include actress Becky Newton and host Terry Seymour. “You don’t get arms like that just from being on a diet.” And how does the American public feel about her predilection for sleeveless dresses? In a USA Today poll, 2,600 readers weighed in on whether it’s appropriate for the First Lady to go sleeveless so often. Forty percent said, “Yes, she’s a modern first lady,” 11 percent said, “No, it seems too informal.” The remaining 49 percent said, “Who cares [DASH] it’s her decision.” After all, voters did choose change in November!
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Yes, it is winter, and yes, bare arms have not been such a common stylistic choice for many first ladies, but Michelle is quite young and therefore has various options that would not be suitable for older women. Plus, her arms are incredibly toned (and rightfully so, considering her very dedicated work out regime to maintain her sleek physique). Despite a relatively widespread desire to watch and critique Michelle Obama's every beauty move (from her hair down to her nail color), I am a big fan of women defining their own beauty and choosing what works for themselves. Have I always liked Michelle's dresses or hair style choices? Nope. But do I respect her right to choose what works best for her? Completely. I'm sure there are some people in my life who have questioned my love for wearing eyeliner, red lipstick, or a certain hairstyle, but do I care? Nope. I do what works for me (I spent a good deal of my college years trying out different hair colors, haircuts, braid styles, contact lens colors, and even wore bindis for a while, so I can honestly say that I have experimented with various looks and evolved my "look" over time). I think women should follow the lead of Michelle's independence and choose their own style, despite what others think or say.

A photo compilation of Michelle and her lovely arms: (credit: Afterellen.com)

Stylelist.com has also compiled a nice list of Michelle's photos (23 total) - Click on link below:

Michelle Obama on Stylelist.com

When Life Hands You a Broken Heel...

2009-02-27T22:14:00.008-05:00

Buy a new pair of shoes!

Have you ever had a day that was just so randomly bizarre that you have to laugh about it? Well, I had that kind of day today. After dealing with Times Square madness this morning and sitting through an excruciatingly boring four-hour taped lecture for the MPRE exam (a professional responsibility exam that many law students are required to take in order to become a licensed attorney) with two ten-minute breaks, I had to endure my first (and hopefully - only) heel break in NYC (very "Sex and the City"). Any woman who has had her heel snap in half while walking in a crowded area (especially in the Big Apple) knows that this is an incredibly annoying and embarrassing circumstance, especially when it involves one of her favorite pairs of shoes! Pre-heel break, I was walking towards a nearby subway, with a heavy backpack, attempting to take off my jacket (it was relatively warm out today) while also trying to pass a group of elderly men and women, who looked down when they heard the very crunchy snap of my dear shoe. I then realized what the sound was, immediately noticed the drastic change in my gait, and I had to think fast! I rushed into a nearby building (a bank), tried to snap my semi-detached heel back in place (which did not work), and then tried to walk with one functional heel with as much grace as possible to a nearby taxi cab to take me back to my apartment.

When I got home, I could not help but think about the whole circumstance and laugh about it, despite a lingering desire to feel incredibly embarrassed and irritated about the whole thing. However, I realized that my desire to laugh about the heel break came from a realization that life just happens - and little situations like this keep it interesting, despite the specific complications of the situation at hand. Instead of feeling really embarrassed, I instead focused on the fact that I was lucky that the heel did not snap in the subway, where I would not have had as easy access to a cab at all, and I felt incredibly lucky that the heel snapped at the end of my day, on my way home. When a local shoe repair shop employee told me later today that the shoe would require a complete heel replacement (and he would have to replace the good heel as well since it would be a completely different heel color all together), I declined putting the shoes through the extended misery and threw them away in a nearby trash can on my way back to my apartment and did not look back, knowing that I could just get a new pair this weekend, fresh and ready to be worn.

What's my overall point of this lovely and somewhat petty rant about my day? If you are going through a crazy situation, try and see the light at the end of the tunnel and notice whatever "good" may be hiding in the circumstance. Perhaps it is a situation that you will be able to look back on and laugh, express gratefulness that you made it through, and move on. And perhaps purchase a new set of shoes as you walk on. ;)

Blacks Who "Grow Up White" - The "Oreo"/"Carlton" Complex

2009-02-25T21:03:00.023-05:00

When I ask "what's your oreo status?," I'm not asking if you have a package of Oreo cookies in your kitchen cupboard. Nope - I'm going deeper on this one. When I ask this question, I'm asking: To what degree are you "black" on the outside and "white" on the inside? And is this even a legit question? What does it even mean to be black on the outside and white on the inside? Despite the ridiculousness of this question, plenty of people still refer to others as Oreos or imply it through their statements, so I am taking a moment to blog about it.

A lot of blacks get accused of being "Oreos" - a phenomenon I find quite intriguing. These "Carlton-esque" types (think "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air") are considered contrary to the norm because on some level, they remind people of what is considered "white culture" or "white standards" and yet, on the outside, happen to be black. Those who freely call others Oreos are likely to abide by the principle that speaking "white" is in opposition to speaking "black" (e.g. to speak articulately and without any usage of ebonics/broken English). "Oreo" logic also suggests that studying and doing well in school can turn you into an Oreo - as if studying and learning is so "culturally white" that you may as well just forget about studying and do something else if you want to maintain the true essence of "blackness" and remain cool among your peers.

Now...I have sympathy for Oreos. It is harder to be an Oreo in American society because they are fighting the multitude of stereotypes held against black Americans. Why bother risk being viewed as an Oreo and possible alienation by your peers?

Viewing my life through the lens of "Oreo-ology," I did indeed grow up as an Oreo but I didn't necessarily have what most people consider the "typical black American" experience growing up - my family is from the Caribbean (I am first-generation American) and I grew up in a predominately privileged white suburb, so I wasn't as much of an "other" to my peers because techically, we were mostly all "culturally white" - whether or not you were racially white. But I do believe my personality and my growing up experience would have been different if I, for example, grew up in a predominately black American environment which was not as economically privileged and more prone to critique me if I exhibited "Carlton" characteristics.

Every now and again I am reminded of my supposed "Carlton" status by various people - but I find that older non-black Americans (as well as non-blacks abroad), on average, are more likely to bring it to my attention as I grow older (I have recently been compared to Condoleeza Rice for some reason when I dress in either business casual or a formal suit). On average, people have said, "Wow, you are so articulate" or the classic "Well, you are different" comment (in their interesting attempt to compare me to "most black Americans") - as if somehow being black automatically means that I cannot form a grammatically correct sentence in my head or my personality and character are somehow an anomaly in the black American experience. I will admit that when people make these statements, I tend to automatically put them in the "ignorant" category in my head because I find it somewhat esoteric that they are shocked by the existence of an articulate black person, considering the growing amount of black politicians and media moguls that clearly defy the stereotypes out there. Now I just laugh it off, but it is still amusing to see someone get confused when they hear me talking on the cell phone and wonder how my voice is associated with brown skin.

Yet, I don't think that my existence makes them rethink their stereotypes of black Americans - I, to many of them, am the exception - just like Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, and President Barack Obama appear to be the "black exception" within the political arena. Clearly such "stereotypers" are not aware of the growing numbers of Oreos my age and younger who are bursting forth onto the professional scene. I just hope they don't get too overwhelmed by cookie overload.

Conceptualizing a Voluptuous Woman Within a Thin Standard

2009-02-25T03:01:00.008-05:00

Voluptuous: (Webster-Merriam Definition)

Main Entry:
vo·lup·tu·ous
Pronunciation:
\və-ˈləp(t)-shə-wəs, -shəs\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, from Latin voluptuosus, irregular from voluptas pleasure, from volup pleasurable; akin to Greek elpesthai to hope, Latin velle to wish — more at will
Date:
14th century
1 a: full of delight or pleasure to the senses : conducive to or arising from sensuous or sensual gratification : luxurious b: suggesting sensual pleasure by fullness and beauty of form 2: given to or spent in enjoyment of luxury, pleasure, or sensual gratifications
synonyms see sensuous
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ly adverb
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ness noun

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Somehow, over time, the term "voluptuous" evolved from the above definition that was used as a pleasant description for the female mystique and beautiful curves to just another way of saying “fat.” An example of this transition is a situation in which a girl was talking about one of my friends to a guy and described my friend to him as “voluptuous,” and he immediately responded, “Oh…she’s fat.” Not only did this offend my friend when she heard about the situation, but it also offended my own personal understanding of the term “voluptuous.” How is it that in today’s day and age where women are running to plastic surgeons for breast and butt implants, we still find the term voluptuous to be an offensive and/or negative term?

A few days after my friend told me about this story, I was watching "Good Morning America" and one of the top Victoria’s Secret models, the stunning Marisa Miller, came on to be interviewed and disclosed the fact that she is considered a “curvy model” in the modeling industry – to the astonishment of Diane Sawyer, who could not believe that this model was categorized as “curvy" (she must have also considered the term "curvy" to mean "voluptuous"/"fat").

Let’s have a look:

Her measurements, as listed by Wikipedia, are 34D-23-35 (US), 5 feet, 8 inches tall. I understand that she has a larger-than-the-norm breast size for the modeling industry, but labeling Ms. Miller as "curvy" is quite strange in my opinion - she is incredibly thin, and yet, the modeling industry chooses to call her curvy because she does not fit into the standard of non-breast/non-butt that the modeling industry chooses to promote and blast across magazine pages every month.

In a world where extreme skinny has become the standard of body beautiful, I stand in rebellion of this hopefully temporary standard as I observe my own 26-year-old 34D-27-37 figure standing 5’7 feet tall in front of me in the mirror. This is me. And I accept and love what I see.

The more important question I have now is – do you accept what you see? I hope the answer is yes. And if it is not - I truly do hope that at some point, you will accept your body and your beauty overall.

One of the reasons why I created this blog is because I wanted to encourage women to accept themselves and celebrate their unique beauty. So if you have curves, I say rock them! Be comfortable in your own skin. Dove’s national campaigns about accepting your own natural beauty and the show “Do I Look Good Naked?” are relatively recent nation-wide additions to the subtle yet powerful underground revolution against the “unhealthy skinny” prototype that has been promulgated by the modeling industry down women’s throats, as if to say that curvy women must accept that their bodies are considerably second-class to the thin prototypes found in high fashion magazines.

I disagree. It’s time to stop chastising the curvy female form – no matter what size it comes in – and start celebrating what we have naturally been given – and celebrate the fact that it is a wonderful thing to have curve – and it is a major compliment to be considered “curvy.”

What We Can Learn From Tyler Perry About Love

2009-02-24T09:53:00.006-05:00

I am a huge fan of Tyler Perry, and have been inspired by every single one of his films (I particularly love "Madea's Family Reunion" and "Why Did I Get Married?"). He has an uncanny ability to appeal to a very large audience, crossing racial, religious, and national boundaries. He knows how to appeal to the heart while tickling your funny bone, and it is not hard to feel refreshed and amused at the end of any of Perry's films. I just ran across this article on Essence.com entitled "Tyler Perry's Love Lessons," and I was amused by Essence's ability to extract a few of the many love themes within his movies. I think we can all learn something from Perry's lessons and continue to support his creative plots so more people can take advantage of his unique messages and apply them to their own personal lives and relationships: (click on link below)

Tyler Perry's Love Lessons

Skin Care for Every Age

2009-02-24T08:58:00.007-05:00

Skin care is incredibly important for women of every age, color, and skin type, and every skin care regimen is person-specific, suiting her age, her type of skin, as well as her lifestyle. Inspired by the youthful glow of the older women in my family, I've taken advantage of opportunities to talk to them about effective skin regimens and tips, and I have made it a point to make wise investments in the right products that will maximize my skin's smoothness, clarity and vitality. Ever since I've moved to New York City, I became particularly aware of the elements I was exposed to everyday (bus exhaust, etc) that could mess with my pores, so I particularly took advantage of my Conair Face Spa, which gently cleanses and refreshes my pores. I also take advantage of good facial scrubs and masks (both pricey and not-so-pricey) that also add various beneficial effects to my skin overall. Although I am only 26, I find that now is a better time than ever to make sure my regimen is on point so I won't have to deal with more issues than I care to deal with as I age into my 30s and 40s. Plus, I think Botox is overrated.

Total Beauty has provided an excellent summary of skin care products for different age groups, and I think it is worth a quick read:

The Right Skin Care for Your Age

If you make the right choices for your skin today, you will have less "skin maintenance" work to do in the future, so make wise decisions, and be sure to speak to skin consultants in department stores if you need specific advice on your type of skin or on particular skin issues such as acne or wrinkle-prevention.

Claiming Your Victory in Troubled Times, Part II

2009-02-23T01:01:00.014-05:00

In response to the comment in my blog posting below, "Claiming Your Victory in Troubled Times," I decided to make a follow-up post that provides more detailed advice and information for those who are dealing with hardship and anxiety during these tough economic times and are looking for some concrete advice. Lo and behold, I tripped upon an interesting article in one of my favorite magazines, "Essence," which provides some good advice for those who are interested in confronting their anxiety and looking for solutions:

As a part of an article entitled "High Anxiety," (p. 110) featured in Essence Magazine's March 2009 edition, Angela Neal-Barnett, Ph.D., offers some advice in her piece entitled "Transforming Anxiety Into Action," providing tips on how to draft a plan "with measurable results and time frames," using the following steps below:
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1) Turn Your Worry into A Goal
"I'll never pay off all these bills" becomes "I want to be free of all credit card debt by 2015."

2) Figure out what specific actions will get you to your goal.
Do you need to look for a part-time job on the weekends to earn an extra $100 a week? Do you need to work an extra five years before you can retire?

3) Work around stumbling blocks.
In the past, what has stopped you from reaching your goal? Be honest. Perhaps, for instance, you've been stashing away your credit-card statements without reading them. Make opening your mail the first thing you do when you come home.

4) Measure and monitor your progress.
Will you, for instance, check in with a debt counselor once a month to stay accountable to your credit-card repayment schedule?

5) Congratulate yourself periodically.
As you reach a milestone, indulge in a treat that will keep you motivated.
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Dr. Neal-Barnett also provides advice in another segment of this Essence article, "High Anxiety," in a piece entitled "3 Steps To Serenity," below:
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1) Deconstuct Your Demons. "What we say we're afraid of is really our core fear," says therapist Angela Neal-Barnett, who suggests leading yourself in what she calls the "so what?" chorus. Ask yourself what's so troubling about the dreaded consequences, and drill down until you get to their emotional root. For instance, a sister panicked about her plummeting 401(k) may initially say that she fears losing everything. So what? She may delay retirement another 15 years. So what? She doesn't want to work for the rest of her life. That's the core fear - working herself to the grave - not postponing retirement. With that knowledge, she can work with an adviser to figure out measures (such as catch-up payments and additional revenue streams) so that she may only have to raise her retirement age five years or so.

2) Stay in the moment. Once you've figured out the "so what," stop dwelling on the what-ifs. Lama Choyin Rangdrol, an African-American Buddhist meditation teacher and the founder of Rainbowdharma, suggests this exercise: Inhale and imagine the air is cleansing your body. Then exhale as you imagine the air clearing out the confusions, stress and anxiety. Use it to put the breaks on runaway thoughts.

3) Get treatment if you need it. See a medical, mental health or substance abuse professional if anxiety interferes with your sleep, work, appetite or other aspects of your daily life for a prolonged period.
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I am no stranger to anxiety and stress, so I empathize when others are searching for advice and crave some sort of concrete advice for their various circumstances. I hope these pieces from this March 2009 Essence article ("High Anxiety") are helpful to those of you out there looking for some piece of mind in this headache of an economic mess. These tips, in addition to the many more provided by other experts, should help mitigate some of the anxiety that you may be facing at the moment.

Why the New York Post Should Be Boycotted

2009-02-20T00:47:00.020-05:00

*Note: For those of you who have a predisposition for disliking blog posts having anything to do with race matters, I very much encourage you to stop reading this now.*

The New York Post has pretty much gotten away with quite a number of provoking images under the protective umbrella of freedom of speech. However, the Post is still subject to its dependence on making a profit from its readers and advertisers, which may diminish in light of a vast number of people who have already decided to boycott the Post in response to an allegedly racist image that has angered many around the country and the world. (To be fair - I commend some Post employees who have actually stated that the cartoon was a terrible idea. Perhaps they should consider working for a more cultivated and enlightened publication.)

I have quite a number of things to say about the cartoon - however, AP News covered this topic and summed up the whole matter quite succinctly:
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NY Post cartoon of dead chimpanzee stirs outrage
By: Karen Matthews, Associated Press Writer – Wed Feb 18, 6:20 pm ET
NEW YORK – A New York Post cartoon that some have interpreted as comparing President Barack Obama to a violent chimpanzee gunned down by police drew outrage Wednesday from civil rights leaders and elected officials who said it echoed racist stereotypes of blacks as monkeys.
The cartoon in Wednesday's Post by Sean Delonas shows two police officers, one with a smoking gun, standing over the body of a bullet-riddled chimp. The caption reads: "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill."
The cartoon refers to a chimpanzee named Travis who was killed Monday by police in Stamford, Conn., after it mauled a friend of its owner.
Some critics called the cartoon racist and said it trivialized a tragedy in which a woman was disfigured and a chimpanzee killed. Others said the cartoon suggests that Obama should be assassinated. Many urged a boycott of the Post and the companies that advertise in it.
"How could the Post let this cartoon pass as satire?" said Barbara Ciara, president of the National Association of Black Journalists. "To compare the nation's first African-American commander in chief to a dead chimpanzee is nothing short of racist drivel."
State Sen. Eric Adams called it a "throwback to the days" when black men were lynched.
The Rev. Al Sharpton called the cartoon "troubling at best given the historic racist attacks of African-Americans as being synonymous with monkeys."
The cartoon set off a furious response against the Post. Its phones rang all day with angry callers. Protesters picketed the tabloid's Manhattan offices, demanding an apology and a boycott and chanting "shut the Post down."
Col Allan, editor-in-chief of the Post, defended the work.
"The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut," Allan said in a statement. "It broadly mocks Washington's efforts to revive the economy. Again, Al Sharpton reveals himself as nothing more than a publicity opportunist."
The cartoon drew hundreds of comments on the Internet including at the liberal Huffington Post, where columnist Sam Stein wrote: "At its most benign, the cartoon suggests that the stimulus bill was so bad, monkeys may as well have written it. Most provocatively, it compares the president to a rabid chimp."
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs declined comment.
"I have not seen the cartoon," he told reporters aboard Air Force One as Obama returned to Washington from Arizona, where he announced his plan to deal with the foreclosure crisis. "But I don't think it's altogether newsworthy reading the New York Post."
...
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I think it would be foolish to sit back and assume that the Post did not have a clue as to the hidden meaning and/or possible interpretation of that cartoon. However, if the Post truly does lack sensitivity on race-related matters (which their half-apology appears to suggest), perhaps they should take some time to enlighten themselves before their cartoons empty their pockets.

Claiming Your Victory in Troubled Times

2009-02-18T20:24:00.017-05:00

Living in New York City, I've noticed an increasing number of troubled faces, especially as of late. The economy has hit every city around the world on some catastrophic level, and the Big Apple has unfortunately endured a monster bite, leaving many New Yorkers miserable and wondering about their jobs, their finances, their families, their...everything! As a law student, I've noticed that some of my colleagues are concerned about the security of their law firm job offers here in New York City, since many firms here have unfortunately been negatively affected by the recession. For anyone who is worried about any particular issue and craves a more optimistic outlook, I would like to offer you a simple coin of wisdom: Claim your victory!

How exactly do you "claim victory", you ask? It's simple: it is a thought-processing mechanism that you consciously kick into gear from the moment you wake up in the morning until the moment you go to bed at night. Positively evaluate your self-confidence outside of your circumstances, rather than remain swallowed by your circumstances. Despite what the media or society may say, your victory and your perception of your victory is not at all attached to any particular monetary/relational/academic accomplishment - it is instead attached to your conceptualization of how YOU view yourself in whatever circumstance. Your perception of self has a key role to play in your daily comprehension and evaluation of situations and issues happening to you and around you. If you claim victory first thing in the morning - nothing can stop you. Your perspective on situations will 100% change once you speak confidence and joy into your mind and your life - fewer things will get on your nerves, you will have a calmer and more focused response to situations, and you will have a more peaceful mindset for planning and problem-solving. So don't forget to sprinkle in some "victory-talk" into your cup of joe tomorrow morning!

In light of being and feeling victorious, it is also necessary to be realistic about your life plans and always have a realistic "plan B" while also having strong faith in your "plan A" as well. If you find that it is very easy to give up when situations become challenging, I very much encourage you to simply consider those challenging situations as a test for you to challenge yourself to rise to a higher and more victorious level of thought life. One of the things that many people do not realize is that negative self-speak is one of the top reasons why people self-sabotage their dreams and ascent to the next level in whatever arena in their lives. If you have a particular goal for 2009, and you find yourself negatively speaking over something in your life, you should switch up your speech and start speaking victory, confidence and accomplishment over that issue instead, as if you know and believe that you will achieve that goal. "The Secret" tries to label this mental strategy as some sort of metaphysical secret knowledge that only successful and happy people know about and implement in their lives. What do I call it? Common sense for a more joyful, peaceful, and triumphant life!

Are "Open Relationships" a Good Idea?

2009-02-17T11:46:00.012-05:00

"Open relationships" seem to be the "in thing" among young people today, yet I cannot understand why anyone would put themselves through this sort of relational headache. An "open relationship" (e.g. two people who are sort of "together" but choose not to be tied to each other - just yet or at all) is just another way of saying, "He/She is just not all that into you." If I chose to seriously date someone, it was after the man made it known that he was really into me and wanted to be committed to me, 100%. I have never settled for anything less, simply because I knew what I deserved - a person that respected me, my heart, my spirit, etc. etc. I also knew I didn't want to waste my time with someone that I knew wasn't the best person for me. For those who believe that an "open relationship" is easier for them since it is supposedly "easier" than a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - I very much encourage you to comment on this post and explain your reasoning - because in my opinion, open relationships are just an excuse for saying - "You're alright, but I can do better" or "You're alright, but I'm not really into being with you completely right now." Either statement is a slap in anybody's face - so why bother stand there to receive it? Move on to somebody who is more worthy of your time!

My thoughts on a better type of relationship: I have an "old-school" mentality, despite only being 26 years old. I truly do believe that a man should take it upon himself to truly "court" a woman - to treat her like a princess with his heart, his words, and his actions. He should take it upon himself to creatively demonstrate his interest in her, by getting to know her, spending time with her, while also respecting her and her interests as well. He should also make it known that he is interested in her, but should not force his interest upon her if she declines the pursuit. Also - at some point during the courtship, both people should talk about the idea of considering moving the relationship to a a more committed stance - "boyfriend"/"girlfriend". In my opinion, courtship is ideal because it allows both people to get to know each other without making such a huge commitment that feelings easily get very hurt should either party choose to go separate ways.

In my relationship, I very much felt courted and treasured by my boyfriend, who took it upon himself to court me and make me feel like a princess before we decided to be in a relationship. I encourage others to reconsider their beliefs about relationships and purge the ideas of "hooking up" or "open relationships," and instead trade up for something more "old-school" - courtship - which is way more respecting of both parties involved in the relationship transaction.

Embrace Your Lips on Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T01:09:00.012-05:00

Whether you are single or in a relationship, today is a day to celebrate your lips! It doesn't matter if your lips are thin, thick, or medium-sized - treat your lips to a special treat that adds that special kick to your beauty regimen. Of course, in this crazy economy, you may want to bypass the expensive lip products and instead visit your local drugstore and find a shade of lipstick/lip gloss or lipbalm that fits your needs and your unique look. That said, there is a plethora of options available at your local CVS/Rite Aid/Walmart, etc., and it is good (and cost-effective) to already know what kind of lip product will suit you best before you shell out the cash. Total Beauty has saved you some research time and has compiled a great list of pricey lipsticks and their not-so-pricey equivalents that can be found at your local drugstore (click on link below):

Total Beauty's Lipsticks Comparison Guide

Now, I won't just leave you hanging with an article without some personal tips for your lips! It is very important to keep your lips moist AND exfoliated with some sort of lip balm and exfoliator. To exfoliate, you can gently rub your lips with a moistened washcloth and/or a lip scrub. Treating your lips like a palette will help with your lipstick application, allow your lipstick to stay on longer, and also soften your lips and make them even more kissable than they were before!

When considering lip balms or chapsticks, I heavily advise you to consider one with SPF 15 - otherwise the sun can cause damage to them and also slightly alter the balance of their natural color. In addition to my Cherry Chapstick (which has SPF 15), I have fallen in love with Carol's Daughter's lip balms, which lay smoothly on my lips, make them extra extra soft, and the flavor and scent are just right and not overbearing at all. I currently use Carol's Daughter's "West - Natural Shine for Lips" in Mango, and I can honestly say it is the best lip gloss/lip balm I have ever used. Check it out! :)

Remember to spend some time to enjoy Valentine's Day today - and don't forget to love your beautiful self!

Happy Valentine's Day Glitter Graphics

My Personal Love for Windproof Hair and Quick Tips

2009-02-13T08:10:00.013-05:00

What is up with the weather these days? The wind in New York City almost knocked me off my feet yesterday - I felt like Mary Poppins without the umbrella, fighting the elements and trying to push through the semi-tornados rushing past while still managing to carry my law books in my backpack on the way to school. Interestingly enough, a friend of mine emailed me and said - "well, you should be fine in this weather because you love it when the wind blows and your hair falls right back into place anyway." Well, I wouldn't say that yesterday's type of NYC-style tornados is my "cup of tea", but I will say that I love it when my hair falls perfectly back into place after being consumed by wind.

Here are a few of my personal tips for windproof hair:
1) Avoid product overload in your hair - if you overload your hair with gels, hair lotions, very heavy leave-in conditioners, etc., you are bound to pull an "Alfalfa" look in the wind.
2) The Dominican Blowout/Roundbrush technique (for straight hairstyles): Ever since I went the "Dominican hairstyling" route, I haven't looked back. The roundbrush method of drying my hair in layers is the best way to get that great shiny bounce in the hair that just falls perfectly back into place if messed up by a windstorm.
3) Avoid the extra strong hairspray - unless you use one of those very light hairsprays, hair stiffened up by too much hairspray in a windstorm is bound to look weird after being attacked by a windstorm.
4) No split ends - it is harder to manage any look when you have split ends. Trim those off, so you can have a more "tight" hairstyle bouncing straight back into place after it dances around outside.
5) Protect your tresses with some LIGHT hairdressing - the weather has all sorts of drying effects on your hair, so you want to protect your hair and its shine with a light hairdressing that does not weigh the hair down (I am a big fan of Chi Silk Infusion).

My Personal Top Ten Valentine's Day Beauty Things To Do

2009-02-11T00:34:00.007-05:00

I always like to take advantage of as many holidays as possible to treat myself to some sort of interesting beauty regimen. Valentine's Day is one of them! It is one of those days that you can treat yourself and indulge in some beautification self-love! Some of my V-Day to-do's may seem cheesy, but they get me hyped for that special day:

10) Red or pink nail polish - I'm not a fan of bright pinks and reds - just something that is muted and has a great shine to it. Great for both fingers and toes (I tend to prefer a darker hue of the red or pink on the toes though).
9) Red lipstick - I always wear a dark red lipstick, but whatever - I added it to my list anyway. :) This is not the holiday for me to experiment with other colors :).
8) Scented perfumes and lotions - I'm a big fan of Victoria's Secrets perfumes and lotions - I'm pretty sure I have all of Victoria's Secret's "body splashes." They all have matching lotions (which is important if you want to "layer" the scents by putting on the lotion and spray the matching perfume on top for a longer lasting scent). The perfumes have romantic names and have amazing floral scents that indulge the senses.
7) Wearing a piece of red clothing at some point during Valentine's Day week (the week prior to V-Day) - cheesy, but I pretty much do this every year since I was a little tot.
6) Indulging in face mask treatments - I am slightly obsessed with "The Body Shop", and I have a whole bunch of masks that I bought while I was in Korea two years ago. To say that I went on a beauty shopping spree there is quite the understatement...
5) Exfoliating scrubs and sponges - I love my skin to be sparkling smooth by the time V-Day rolls around. Exfoliating is incredibly important especially during the winter months, where the dry weather and bitter cold can make your skin a bit rough. I top off my exfoliation with a facial spa treatment.
4) The facial spa: After exfoliating, I use "The Facial Spa" by Conair. AMAZING! It gently steams your face, and opens all of your pores. I usually do a gentle moisturizing mask afterwards in order to smooth over my skin and give it a nice polished finish. I love how my skin feels after doing this.
3) Candles - if there is ever a time to indulge in great scented candles, it is Valentine's Day! Most drug stores carry them (CVS, Walmart, Duane Reade, etc.). Bed Bath and Beyond in particular has an excellent candle collection - I visit that section of the store quite often in order to indulge in the Yankee Candle scents (yum!).
2) Eyelashes - I am very into long eyelashes on V-Day, but you won't ever catch me wearing fake lashes. I am all about great mascaras - Loreal's Carbon Black Mascara is my favorite lengthening mascara right now - it stretches and darkens the lashes, and 2 or 3 applications provides me with the perfect long lash look. I may also include Maybelline's mascara, "The Blackest Black," in order to finish it off for lash perfection.
1) A Victoria's Secret item (besides the perfumes and lotions) - I have to treat myself to Vikki's! Isn't Valentine's Day the day for every woman to feel sexy and put something on that makes them feel cute and womanly? I answer in the affirmative! :) What do I buy, you ask? Won't tell ya - it is called Victoria's Secret for a reason! :)

A Broken Economy and Bipartisan Politics

2009-02-10T11:19:00.015-05:00

I'm not really into political blogging (I leave that to Huffington Post), but I figured I would take a moment to address the apparent fetishism for bipartisanship in Washington today. At a time where the economy is truly suffering, the stock market is in the dumpster, people are losing jos, and companies are shutting down, I think it is crucial to push forward Obama's economic stimulus agenda and let go of this interest in appeasing as many bipartisan interests as possible.

An interesting editorial piece sums up the bipartisan effort:

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"Obama press conference shows bipartisanship overrated" by George Harris:

"In tonight's press conference, President Barack Obama emphasized the urgency of the stimulus package legislation on which the Senate voted today to end debate, essentially insuring passage tomorrow.

Sixty one Senators voted to end debate on the stimulus package, including three Republicans. Some critics point to the few Republican votes as a failure of the president to achieve bipartisanship despite considerable effort to include the opposition party in the development of the legislation.

But achieving bipartisanship is and always has been unnecessary to achieving a more civil tone in political debate, and President Obama has probably incorrectly implied that one is equivalent with the other in his choice of language about the issue.

It is unreasonable to expect that 75 or 80% of any group of people will ever agree on complicated issues such as taxation, abortion, education or the stimulus package.

Bipartisanship is not likely, expected, necessary or even desirable. Good debate reveals differences of opinions and brings clarity to positions about proposals."

-----------------------------

Obama warned that that failing to act right now "could turn a crisis into a catastrophe,” addressing head on the concerns about his approach to the bill (which Republicans have chosen to not support). Translation: Stop the foolishness and let's get this done.

I admire Obama's interest in pushing for bipartisanship - but let's be honest - people don't really care for the Republican agenda right now, so why bother appease it? Their agenda encouraged the mess this economy is in at the moment (the past eight years of Bush proves this point). Oddly enough, I think President Obama has had an uncanny ability to reach out and shake the Republican party's hand while simultaneously dismissing the party's goals as flawed, which Republicans have noticed and subsequently labeled as "arrogant."

Perhaps it is time for Democrats and Republicans to truly let go of their political agendas and figure out what is best for the American people - but the question remains: can this actually be done? And how much longer can this broken economy wait in line for its political healing potion?

"Thinking" Yourself Into Beautiful

2009-02-09T00:10:00.009-05:00

It's Monday, the beginning of the work/school week - do you feel beautiful today? Do you think that you will be gorgeous on every single day of this week? Well, it may be a silly question to ask, but if I had to answer on your behalf, I would answer with a resounding YES.

It's not egotistical to love yourself, and to appreciate your beauty. However, we live in a society that sometimes promotes the idea that your natural self can only be beautiful if you PURCHASE your beauty (through makeup, a special bra, plastic surgery, etc.). That's a great message to make companies richer, but what does that do to your confidence and self-esteem? That when you look in the mirror, some sort of concealer, lip plumper or some combination of eye shadow colors will transform you into some version of supposed perfection? Well, if you want the truth about beauty, here it is: You cannot PURCHASE beauty. You can only THINK it. You can only BELIEVE it. Beauty is a perception, a concept that varies from mind to mind. Therefore, don't fall for the hype and conform to society's supposed "ideal beautiful" - even Hollywood stars require photoshopping and plastic surgery to conform to an ironically evolving and changing standard of beauty.

Main point? Purchasing beauty will empty your wallet. Thinking and knowing your beauty will realize it into existence. What YOU need to do: Let go of the world's hype, look at yourself through your own lens (not the media) and notice your real beauty.

We are trained to think that we are not naturally beautiful (the "what is wrong with me"/"what can I find wrong with my look?" complex). This video pretty much sums up this point:

I know it sounds somewhat esoteric to state that you can "think" yourself into beauty, but it is the truth. You know the saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well, its time to reframe our conception of whose "eye" we are looking through - and it is not Johnnie Boy down the street. You should really be focused on looking at your beauty through your own lens, cleansed of whatever societal conceptions of beauty that may have already poisoned your self-esteem like toxic traffic fumes.

There are books out there like "The Secret" and self-help speakers out there who talk about "mind-mapping", both which talk about your "thinker" and how to reframe your thinking, and the how your thoughts dictate your life. For example, if you want more money and success in life, you can visualize them into existence by changing your thought life and therefore your actions as well as the reality around you. The principles they teach are not new - they are very much common sense and practical, if you seriously sat down to think about it. You can actually "think yourself into beauty," and be able to realize your beauty by emanating it through your thought pattern. And it doesn't require any sort of rocket science to do it. Here are some quick examples of reshaping your thoughts about your beauty:

Your usual thought: "Why do I look so fat/skinny all the time?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think there is an ideal beautiful body type. (There is no ideal - despite what the media may say).
Reshaped thought: "I love my size - my curves are right where they should be! I'm going to wear clothes that fit my size, and flatter the size that I have."

Your usual thought: "Why does my nose look like that?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think there is something wrong with your nose. Why? You are comparing it to some idea of what a better nose looks like.
Reshaped thought: "My nose makes me uniquely beautiful and I embrace it."

Your usual thought: "Why is my skin so pale/dark/whatever in between?"
Pinpoint the problem --> You think that your skin would look better if you altered it to look like whatever you believe is ideal (tanner, darker, lighter, etc).
Reshaped thought: "Wow, my skin is absolutely stunning! I can rock my skin tone with whatever fashions and makeup I want to! I have all these wonderful skin undertone colors that make my skin unique and I can rock this wonderful tone in a way that no one else can!"

Your usual thought: "If only my breasts were bigger, I would be able to get more attention and be more popular."
Pinpoint the problem --> You've equated bigger breasts with being beautiful. Correction: bigger breasts do not make you more of a woman. Women of all chest sizes are all beautiful.
Reshaped thought: "I may have this chest size, but I love it! I'm going to wear clothes that flatter my size and I'm going to wear those clothes well!"

Interestingly enough, there is someone out there that dreams about having the very thing that you complain about - so let go of the hype and the lack of self confidence about your beauty. The reshaped thoughts may seem cheesy, but they purposely throw the negative thought words out, and instead focus on the positives about your look and your beauty. "The Secret", just like all of these other books out there, pretty much tell you that you can think yourself into whatever you want in life - that you can shape your reality if you think it into existence. Well, I'm here to tell you that this idea applies to your beauty - you can think your beauty into existence by thinking positively about it. By regarding yourself as beautiful, you will appreciate your unique look better, and work with it, and rock it well, which will naturally result in a thought pattern that will reflect on how you walk, carry yourself, treat yourself, take care of yourself, interact with other people, and the words you choose to describe yourself. The ability to look in the mirror this morning and say to yourself, "Wow, I am really beautiful today. I know this - and I feel it" can take you a lot farther in your ability to emanate beauty. Why? Because your thought life realized it into existence just by those words: "I am beautiful." You may think it sounds too easy - but try it out. Changing your thought will change your reality. You'll be pleasantly surprised how far your thought life can take you!

Tips for a Date or a Single Night on Valentine's Day

2009-02-07T01:10:00.005-05:00

Valentine's Day appears to be one of the most beloved and most hated holidays of all time. There is something about it that just emanates "if you do not have someone special in your life, you kinda suck!" kind of attitude. Or if you are in a relationship or going out on a date for the first time, there is pressure on each partner (well, perhaps more pressure on the guy) to "bring it" on Valentine's Day - the candy, the cards, the gifts, the flowers, the jewelry, etc. etc). Interestingly enough, a guest on one of the Morning News shows this past week basically stated that she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day - that it is really a holiday meant for kids who exchange cute Valentine's Day cards in school. Her comment made me ponder: What is Valentine's Day supposed to mean to me? To you? Are we supposed to subscribe to this cookie-cutter standard of the ideal Valentine's Day? And what is that ideal anyway? Does it even exist? Must we be slaves to even the capitalistic tendencies of this holiday to splurge on your honey and buy them oversized red velvet teddy bears? My answer: Of course not!

For the Single Person:

DO YOU! Do what makes you happy on this day. I sound cliche, but I am speaking from experience. I think Valentine's Day is one of the hardest holidays for people who have experienced love in a relationship and are no longer dating that person, and the holiday brings back memories of some of the more pleasant days together (been there!). I remember newly coming out of a relationship and then a few months later having to walk by a CVS everyday with its nauseating display of candies and too-big-for-comfort teddy bears smushed up against the window, screaming to consumers, "BUY ME! BUY ME!" or perhaps, screaming to others, "Doesn't it suck to be single?" Instead of trying really hard to look the other way, I decided to re-think the holiday at that moment and embrace it, determined to have a blast on Valentine's Day - and make it a day about loving me and the things I'm interested in. Just because I didn't have a man by my side on that very chilly day did not mean that I had to sit there and hope and pray that God sends me a man by next Valentine's Day! I was able to do whatever I wanted, and celebrate the things that made me happy. Talking to other positive-thinking single people also helped - you really should stay away from those who are depressed about being single and that's all they can talk about on Valentine's Day. No thanks - don't need the downer.

Another great idea is to celebrate Valentine's Day with friends - like doing a cute sleepover, or going out to a party/club, etc. Pros of going out: in a club setting, you'll be bumping up next to a whole bunch of singles who want some love too. Cons of going out: you may run into too many couples making out and holding hands, thereby making you feel worse for being on your own. However, if you can withstand all that, go out and get your groove on. I would personally opt for a fun sleepover, consisting of great videos and perhaps a caseload of Body Shop face masks and pedicure kits to soothe the nerves.

For the Person in a Relationship:

BE CREATIVE! You really should think outside the box and figure out ways to celebrate this day. Also, you should do stuff that symbolizes the UNIQUENESS of your relationship! Consider googling up your favorite restaurant, salsa dance studio, movie theater, bed and breakfast, lounge, etc. and make plans. Think about making your gift, rather than making a simple purchase (and also save a bit of dinero!). However, be careful with this - know your partner well! I speak from personal experience - I once wrote several poems in a cute mini-book for an ex-boyfriend (we were together at the time, of course). He liked it, but apparently wasn't all that into poetry so I kind of felt like it was a semi-wasted effort on my part. You want the gift to mean something to both of you - and hopefully in equal measure. I therefore urge you to know what your partner is into before you plop a hand-made vase with painted-on hearts on their doorstep. (I'm still brainstorming about my gift for my boyfriend - I would ask you for suggestions but I have to follow my own advice and make it unique and personal! :o)).

For the Person Going on a Date With Someone New or Relatively New:

HAVE FUN with each other and enjoy the night without feeling too much pressure because it is...dun dun dun - V-Day! Don't absorb pressure to make everything perfect, or BE perfect during the date. You're not tied to each other, so don't treat it like you are - just feel free to be yourself and enjoy the idea of Valentine's Day without getting consumed by all of the lovely-dovey "I love you's" floating around you at other tables at your chosen restaurant. (Being yourself also helps the relationship grow to another level or perhaps stall it at the entrance gate, which is also a good thing if you're not right for each other). Also, I highly advise you to keep your gifts to each other simple, if you choose to give the other person a gift. Don't go all crazy and buy a 10-karat diamond necklace from Zales (slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean). I would personally stick to chocolates or a nice and simple "Happy Valentine's Day!" card if I were in your shoes - anything else could potentially cause awkwardness, especially if the "I love you's" haven't surfaced yet.

Clothing/Makeup: I also urge you to wear something you feel comfortable and sexy in at the same time - the last thing you want to do is add discomfort to your Valentine's date by wondering why you decided to wear an uncomfortable skirt, or pair of pants or shoes (constant outfit fixing or twitching in your chair isn't too cute). Also, overdoing your look may potentially come across as trying way too hard to impress (e.g. wearing way too much makeup - this isn't a modeling photoshoot). (Quick side story - I once put on a lot of green eye shadow for one day to try and impress a guy when I was younger (as if green eyeshadow was the male kryptonite). His response? He just told my girlfriend that I wore too much eyeshadow and thought it was weird. I didn't repeat that mistake.).

I do like this V-Day makeup tutorial. It requires a bit of effort, but the look isn't too overdone...

The main point: Have fun on Valentine's Day, wear red or pink, smile, and do what makes you comfortable. Call up a friend and/or family member and tell them that you love and care about them. And if need be, skip all the festivities of the day, and pop in "Bridget Jones's Diary" and have a few laughs. :) (I LOVE that movie!)

Myspace
Greetings

Is "Chocolate" In Style, Thanks to the Obamas?

2009-02-06T04:26:00.001-05:00

Is "chocolate" in style, thanks to the Obamas? By "chocolate," I mean "African American"/"black" - and yes, I actually do think that the Obamas have on some level triggered some sort of consciousness on Madison Avenue about the marketability of selling "chocolate" to the masses, which became incredibly clear when companies started capitalizing on the Obama victory, selling all sorts of Obama paraphernalia (from collectible plates to Obama Chia pets to mini dolls that look like Malia and Sasha). Tyra Banks is also another chocolate commodity in her own right, selling herself through her own self-created brand of all things modelicious and girl-power-esque. Oprah has always been a marketable entity - similar to King Midas, anything she touches or breathes on seems to turn to gold. And now Raven Simone, a multi-millionaire in her own right, has shown to be a remarkable phenomenon with her television show and all of her Raven Simone-related products on the market. And let's not even get into the fact that Beyonce can sell pretty much anything.

Now, this is a pretty small list of "blacks in style" in this country that have quite a bit of power when it comes to the marketability of their images. However, their prominence in the media seems to suggest an increasing acceptance of chocolate into mainstream American culture, no longer something confined to the auspices of BET and Essence Magazine. Perhaps chocolate will lose its "otherness" and perhaps be more popularly considered an intriguing segment of American culture, something to be celebrated, rather than analyzed or critiqued by the likes of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh (shudder).

If chocolate is back in style, I more than welcome it. It's about time that the media revamp its image of blacks in the media and realize that black Americans are a diverse and culturally complex group of individuals that have incredible power in the marketplace. Beauty companies were foolish to ignore the purchasing power of black women, for example, only recently tailoring their products (e.g. makeup, hair items) to fit the needs of black women. However, the fashion world is still behind the times, still struggling to hire black models and put them on the runway, despite outcries by prominent designers and even Vogue through the Black Italian Vogue magazine issue that sold like hotcakes off the stands (and are now selling for hundreds of dollars on Ebay). However, I do believe that the fashion industry will follow suit with realizing the marketability and beauty of chocolate, incorporating its unique and diverse attributes into its conceptualization of the American market. This nation is becoming increasingly diverse, and more and more companies are realizing that they are missing out on profits by leaving chocolate out. And in a country where the power of the dollar appears to dictate decisions in boardroom discussions, leaving chocolate out of the mix will only result in a pretty bland and boring taste of the "same ol' same" and leave people yearning for a more encompassing product market.

What Kind of Cleavage is Appropriate?

2009-02-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

Cleavage is pretty much around the corner in NYC - in several weeks, you'll be noticing fewer jackets (or skimpier jackets), and slim tops that may or may not modestly cover a woman's cleavage. Spring time welcomes the celebration of the female body - and men clearly appreciate it. However - how much cleavage is too much cleavage?

it's pretty intuitive that cleavage at work is a big no-no. It is pretty distracting, and can negatively affect how people treat and respect you as a person and as an employee. However, you shouldn't feel pressure to tape down your breasts with masking tape. According to Elisabeth Squires, author of "Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls," the appearance of breasts can help women in a workplace setting: "A recent study showed men photos of women in a workplace with large breasts showing cleavage, medium breasts and small breasts. When asked about who looked most professional and personable, the men chose the women with medium-sized breasts," she said. Squires further noted that "you don't have to be flat-chested to be taken seriously. You just have to be proportionate. For women who are small busted, that may mean a little padding. For well-endowed women, that may mean a minimizer." My take on all of this: I don't think it's too smart to show much cleavage at all in the workplace - I'm not sure how it wins respect from either men or women. I do, however, believe that a woman should feel comfortable with her size and wear clothing that fits appropriately - nothing too baggy, and nothing too tight. And I very much vouch for a minimizer on a woman if her bra is peaking through a button-down shirt. Victoria's Secret is a secret for a reason.

In everyday life, outside of the workplace, a woman has every right to show off as much as she wants, but the question is - is it a good idea to "bust" loose and show off the "girls"? I don't think so. I like the idea of "sexy modesty" - you shouldn't show much at all, but the clothing should fit in a way that very much flatters your figure. Women have been blessed with curves - show them off! Just don't show them off like a video vixen princess! BET does that enough already. In my own personal style, I try not to wear skinny jeans plus a tight top - I would rather wear looser bottoms with a flattering top, or tight jeans with a somewhat looser blouse. The only time I feel comfortable wearing extremely tight-fitting clothes is when I go running (spandex!) or a party that calls for tight-fitting attire.

The foundation of proper cleavage is a great bra. I'm a big fan of Victoria's Secret myself - plus, the employees there can measure your bust size (you should do this about twice a year, depending on how often your weight fluctuates). In particular, I love their "Very Sexy" collection - fits wonderfully!

Overall, a woman should very comfortable celebrating her curves, whether she is thin or thick. However, celebrate them in a way that wins respect, rather than encourage disrespect or the wrong sort of attention. And celebrate them with style!

Hot New Layout Look

2009-02-04T04:52:00.000-05:00

I am more than thrilled that I found this layout, thanks to "ExoticMommie"! So excited! :o)

Some of my poetry for you....

2009-02-04T04:00:00.000-05:00

Re-reading Into Perplexity

Rewrite your business upon the densest paper imaginable
Re-ask this spiritual unrest what the mathematical equation is to the answer you’ve provided as a solution to worry
And you will find your equation nonexistent.
And very few zero’s can be re-written as 2s or 3s.
Within unperplexed clarity I find myself subsumed in the ponds of peace
And grab nonchalanty for the first pencil that I can find
So that I can clarify for you
The point
Of complete, yet perplexed ramble, found within
This kaledeidoscopic dribble.
So please pause
And re-read
Into my perplexity.

Making Your Beauty Work for YOU

2009-02-03T11:18:00.001-05:00

What is it about black eyeliner and mascara that really "gets" me? It pulls me in like candy draws a five year old, and I've been researching the best eyeliner and mascara that best suits me for years! I have even gone so far as to take some time during my travels to Europe and Asia to look for different types of makeup, hoping that perhaps markets abroad may offer a different and perhaps better melange of options.

It is very important to figure out what you like most about yourself and have fun enhancing it and playing it up to your advantage. I am very much about playing with eye makeup because I love the shape of my eyes (almond shape) and my eye color (brown), and I am very self-aware of what works/doesn't work for me. Make makeup work for you, rather than the other way around. Too often women walk up to beauty counters or stores for a "fix" - to be dazzled by the glitter and glitz of the makeup packaging, only to be disappointed by the resulting effect of the makeup on their face. And such disappointment doesn't exactly come cheap - the product that is now collecting dust on your shelf is the same product that somehow convinced you to shell out a whole bunch of cash to purchase it. (At times I wonder if the majority of the cost of the product is due to the glitzy packaging! That's a shame...).

That's why I very much encourage you to buy makeup and experiment with makeup with an agenda - if you even have to make a list before you go to the beauty store (I do this!), I encourage you to do so. And even before you leave your home, make sure to spend at least a minute or two studying your features in the mirror to figure out how EXACTLY you want to play with your look. When I say EXACTLY, I mean it - you want to nail your new look down to a science. The same way an artist knows how he wants his painting to look and buys the required materials to make it work, you need to study your palette and have a strong idea of what you are looking for, so you don't go out and waste money and time on a product that you will subsequently be a major disappointment (I've been there!).

I also encourage you to expand your perception of your best features. For example, you may think that your lips are your best feature, not realizing that if you shaped up your eyebrows and perhaps applied a little bronzer, you would make your look even more spicy. Every woman has SEVERAL features to play up, but we tend to focus on maybe only one or two features, probably because we don't always appreciate all of our features, or because people constantly compliment us on one particular feature and we therefore pay more attention it, rather than embracing more than just one great feature.

And if you think you don't have a great feature, I very much challenge you on that belief. I can find a great feature on just about anybody, so there is not much you could do to make me think otherwise if I took a look at you. Everyone is uniquely beautiful, and women have been blessed with a bounty of options to play their beauty up to their unique advantage - so have fun and explore your beauty!

A World's Fascination with Race

2009-01-30T10:52:00.001-05:00

While thinking about YouTube and the bounty of videos focused on race, a thought came to mind: You cannot criticize a man for what he does not know, but you can criticize him for not knowing any better. I'm not sure if that was a personal thought or a line dropped into my mind by God, but either way, it pretty much sums up my opinion of the YouTubers that troll various videos on race and pounce on opportunities to share bigoted views. As a result of watching plenty of these videos and noticing the comments, I thought it best to never make a video dedicated to the topic of race and thereby avoid the hassle of deleting unnecessary and bigoted comments that may come flying my way. However, there is a part of me that is tempted to create a video dedicated to the "Youtube Race Trolls" and their incessant obsession with making racist comments on plenty of videos. They don't even realize nor care how their comments affect the video's viewers, and appear to operate out of some sort of insecurity or personal vulnerability every time they make a racist remark. (The verdict is still out on that decision :).)

Which brings me back to my original statement: You cannot criticize a man for what he does not know, but you can criticize him for not knowing any better. What I mean by this statement is the fact that people who live in their own universes of bigoted bliss appear to indulge their prejudices with enough fodder to excuse themselves from the obvious necessities of knowledge and awareness of the world and its history. I personally think it is a waste of my time to spend a second educating a man on what he never bothered to learn about the realities of their "other" (whatever that "other" may be - a woman, an African-American, an Asian, Muslim, etc.), but I would take a moment to shake my head and think that is a shame that he doesn't know any better than to live in a culturally-invented bubble of untruths and babble. I understand that prior to the age of television and the internet, it was very easy to not know any better and not have as much access to knowledge that would burst stereotypes and expose people to the humanity of all people, but I clearly underestimated the willingness of a large segment of the world's population that is bent on maintaining bigoted views and is determined (regardless of how much scientific or sociological studies state to the contrary) to carry out incorrect thoughts for the purposes of having some sense of comfort that they have indeed figured the world out, and have nailed it down to some sort of mathematical formula of how the world works, and how society is "truly structured."

However, I will now take a moment to express a lot of faith in the idea that the world is becoming more open-minded to difference and the "other" as nations find themselves increasingly dependent on one another in a intense context of globalization, attempting to understand the "other's" history and its complexity, rather than box it into a cookie-cutter white/black standard that never fits into our gray realities. Let's all therefore take a moment to challenge our belief systems, and take some time to uncover subsumed pyramids of knowledge that we knew existed, but never bothered to explore.

The New and Cool Black Male - The Obama Standard?

2009-01-22T12:07:00.000-05:00

For a while, the "thug" look has been the in-thing for many men across America, particularly black men, and it has crossed over states and nations (thanks to the music industry), encouraging men of all races to embody the idea that the "thug look" is in, thereby supposedly gaining respect from others (or perhaps, invoke fear) as well as the digits from the ladies - if you can pull off the "thug look" with at least an adequate amount of authenticity. I've never been into the look - but that could easily be due to the fact that I grew up as a very sheltered girl in the suburbs of Long Island, and never knew anybody personally that even cared to embody the "thug look" -I only saw it on television for the most part and found it to be the opposite extreme of what I normally found attractive - the semi-preppy look (think "Theo" from the Cosby Show or Dwayne Wayne from "A Different World"). Furthermore, since I've always been attracted to smart guys, I struggled with equating "thuggy" with "smart" - there has always been a disconnect between being smart and being a thug that the media had no problem perpetuating within the music industry as well as on daytime/nighttime television.

Now that Obama is President of the United States, will he become the new role model for black men, embodying a new "cool standard" that black men will adhere to and as a result create a new cool standard across the nation and the world? Will a college degree and a quick wit make certain men rise above the rest when it comes to winning a woman's affection? According to CNN, black men have already started adopting Obama's hairstyle (originally called the "Caesar" in black barbershops, and has recently been relabeled "the Obama"). I wonder to what degree will this Obama fascination extend beyond a haircut style, and encourage young men across America and the world to finally forfeit this "thug" standard, and trade it in for "suave, cool, and smart." Many black men already embody this "suave, cool and smart" standard (think Morris Chestnut's character in "Two Can Play That Game") - perhaps Obama's presence in the media will finally push the thuggy standard into the shadows of the hip hop industry and allow the new "cool" to rise up to the pedestal.

Today is the Day!

2009-01-19T23:59:00.001-05:00

It is 12am, 1/20/09, and today is the day that this nation will see its first black President. The point about Obama becoming the "first black President" has been repeated over and over again (CNN can't get enough), but come on now - this is huge! I feel like I was born at the right time in history - and this is the very day that so many people have waited to see their entire lives...

Some people wonder why the world is so obsessed with Obama, but I don't think it is as much of an obsession with the person, Barack Obama, as it is with the significance of what he represents - societal advancement, both in this country and abroad. People have always been struck by "underdog" stories - the stories of people who went against the odds and fought their way to victory. And some of the most classic underdog stories in this country focus on a minority, woman (or a minority woman) who was able to break a glass ceiling that was so firmly held in place for centuries upon centuries. I think it is incredibly fair to say that the title of American President is the ultimate glass ceiling in this nation!

America is a relatively young nation that has, within a few centuries, witnessed both black slavery and a black president - and it is very important to recognize the work that has been accomplished by women and men of all races to push civil rights in the direction of today's victory. The extremes of slavery and the first black president are connected by the pain, bloodshed, tears, and heartache that it took to get to this day.

The moment when Obama officially accepts the title of presidency is going to be overwhelming for millions of people - myself included! When I watch him today, I will also hear the voice of Dr. King, the words of Malcolm X, the memories of videos I watched of men and women fighting and boycotting for their dignity... it is a combination of various thoughts that can push anyone to run for a Kleenex and think about where we are today as a nation.

I think it is important for every person to now take steps to help make President Obama's vision possible - particularly in the area of community advancement. Barack is only one man - but together, we can all make his vision a reality and make a difference in the lives of the people around us. That could mean becoming a Big Brother or Sister, a volunteer at a nearby homeless shelter, participate in volunteer missions through your church, and the list goes on. Idealist.org offers plenty of great nonprofit organizations in your community that you can join and help others in need. I do not believe anybody is too busy to lend a helping hand. And I do not believe anyone is too busy or too preoccupied to stop, take a moment to check their thoughts, and look at a man or woman that you previously considered as "the other" as "the same" now, and realize that all of us are equal in the eyes of God, and we need to treat each person with the respect and dignity that they deserve.

Who Qualifies as America's Prominent Black Leader?

2009-01-19T12:06:00.000-05:00

During my undergrad years at Harvard College, a non-black student jokingly referenced a controversy involving Al Sharpton and asked me, "How do you feel about your leader?" Despite his attempt to make a joke, I found the question a somewhat ignorant and failed attempt to make fun of a man considered by society (and clearly this student) as a prominent leader of black America. I have no issues with Al Sharpton - if I met him in real life, I hope that I would find him to be a pleasant individual. My central issue is with the fact that a prominent black leader in civil rights has not really existed since Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. And I've never considered Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton as their equivalents.

If this guy on campus asked me the same question today - "How do you feel about your leader?," I would actually respond with, "Oh, I love President Obama! Thanks for asking! And by the way - he is your leader too." It is as simple as that - I truly believe that Obama is the answer to my hope for another Dr. King. And I'm excited that he will not only qualify as a beautiful representative of black leadership, but a magnificent example of American leadership in the world today.

What does the Inauguration Mean to You?

2009-01-16T22:44:00.000-05:00

Obama is about to come into office during one of the most troubling and difficult times this country has ever faced, and I can't help but view his situation as an impending soap opera full of hope as well as well as controversial subplots of story lines which may either stick or fall by the wayside. People seem to be literally sitting on the edge of their seats, aching to participate in some form or fashion in this very unique and momentous occasion - the first Black president of the United States. I've noticed quite a bit of talk on Facebook about who is running off to Washington DC for some inaugural party or event, as well as those who are going not to witness anything in particular, but to be a part of the madness that I'm sure will take place the entire day. Either way, the whole thing should be quite thrilling...